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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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I met a guy online three months ago. On our first date he

Resolved Question:

I met a guy online three months ago. On our first date he seemed very enthusiastic with lots of compliments he contacted me the next day and wanted to set up a time to see me again. We usually just meet at each other's house late at night because he works until 10:00. He does sleep over all night. He has not taken me anywhere or suggested spending time outside the Bedroom.

He is a business owner with little time for relationships. We have been intimate for several months now. He will not communicate with me what he is looking for but he is still active on the dating website. Why is he holding on to me? He will not talk to me? He sends to me mixed messages all the time. I fell for him and I do not know how to best handle this situation. I thought maybe he is not ready for a relationship right now. He was married for three years. Any help would be appreciated. thank you Laura
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.

 

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. It seems that this man's behavior has raised some suspicion in your mind, due to his avoidance of making your relationship public. This certainly sounds like a red flag to me. In order for a relationship to be healthy, there needs to be a healthy balance of time, activities, etc. Only meeting at night means that the relationship is lacking important components that he is not willing to give now, for whatever reason. This could be due to his not being ready, or it could mean that he is involved with someone else as well. However, if he is not ready for a relationship, then he should not be in a relationship. One thing I would add is that it seems that you have been doing quite a bit of emotional work about this relationship. In order for this to be a healthy relationship, we would expect your partner to do a relatively equal amount of emotional work (if you balance it out over time). This may be one way to evaluate if someone is committed to a relationship and to changing in order to make the relationship work. You deserve someone who will put the work into the relationship as well, since it takes two people to make it work. Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional. You may have to decide if you are willing to settle for the limited time and activities that he is willing to offer you rather than a real relationship in which you would socialize together and spend time outside of the bedroom. You deserve someone who will make time for you, even if he is busy. I hope this is helpful and I wish you the best.

Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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