Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. It seems that this man's behavior has raised some suspicion in your mind, due to his avoidance of making your relationship public. This certainly sounds like a red flag to me. In order for a relationship to be healthy, there needs to be a healthy balance of time, activities, etc. Only meeting at night means that the relationship is lacking important components that he is not willing to give now, for whatever reason. This could be due to his not being ready, or it could mean that he is involved with someone else as well. However, if he is not ready for a relationship, then he should not be in a relationship. One thing I would add is that it seems that you have been doing quite a bit of emotional work about this relationship. In order for this to be a healthy relationship, we would expect your partner to do a relatively equal amount of emotional work (if you balance it out over time). This may be one way to evaluate if someone is committed to a relationship and to changing in order to make the relationship work. You deserve someone who will put the work into the relationship as well, since it takes two people to make it work. Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional. You may have to decide if you are willing to settle for the limited time and activities that he is willing to offer you rather than a real relationship in which you would socialize together and spend time outside of the bedroom. You deserve someone who will make time for you, even if he is busy. I hope this is helpful and I wish you the best.