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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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Hi I have been in a serious relationship for about one and

Resolved Question:

Hi I have been in a serious relationship for about one and a half years with a 35 year old school teacher. I came into the relationship knowing he drank everyday( about 4 beers) and there had not been any problems, just recently he called me in the middle of the night and asked me to come and get him because he was drunk. I said yes but about two hours later while I was sleeping I woke up to him urinating on my carpet, when I asked him what he was doing, he said he didn't know and he was sorry. We talked about it alittle but he didn't say much. I am starting to look at him differently. I dont drink at all, I am wondering if I am blowing this whole thing out of preportion or is this something that should be addressed?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. Drinking daily, and/or drinking to the point where it affects a relationship, and/or drinking to the point where it leads to behaviors such as urinating on the carpet are all warning signs of an alcohol problem. This man is now pulling you into his problem by asking you to enable his drinking by coming to get him when he has been drinking and, most likely expecting you to clean up his messes on your carpet. Unless he seeks treatment, this problem will most likely only get worse.

 

You may find the following link for Alanon to be helpful in offering support for family members and friends of those who have drinking problems: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ This may help you to examine how much alcohol may be contributing to the problems. Meetings can also be helpful to get support from others who have been in your shoes.

 

One of the hallmarks of addiction is to deny that there is a problem and to avoid taking responsibility. While you can't control what he does, you can be very clear with him that you love him, you are concerned about him, and that you believe that he has a serious problem with alcohol. Sometimes it is helpful to have multiple family members and friends get together to have an "intervention" to let the individual know how serious your concerns are. Addiction specialists in your area should be available to help you with an intervention if you decide to go this route. Additionally, one thing you can control is to stop any enabling behaviors. That means no bailing him out, no making up for his mistakes, and instead using tough love - letting him know that you care about him but you will no longer help him out. Since you can't change him, one of the things you can work on is you. Remember to take care of yourself by a focus on healthy activities such as exercise, eating healthy, hobbies, time with supportive people, etc. I wish you the best with this difficult issue. Please let me know if I can help further.

 

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