He won't get what you want him to get unless you try to change your behavior a bit. When you catch yourself wanting to have control over a situation, step back and let him participate.
The issue is that maybe you're self sufficient, which makes him feel uncomfortable and not needed (threatened that you don't love him or need him) That has to do with his self confidence , and not necessarily what you do or say.
Explain to him that being self sufficient does not mean that there are times when you do need him and his love/support. You are still the same person and he had gotten to know you better with time. That is why he is most likely saying he wants you to be like in the past (which is not realistic)