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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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I had a man friend and co worker that we became emotionally

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I had a man friend and co worker that we became emotionally involved and one night, we could have become physically involved, but he stopped by saying that he was thinking of the whole picture. At that time, I thought of the same and thought what we were doing was wrong. The next day he asked me if there could be something between us and I told him no, that he was married to a lady that loved him and was a good wife. He told me that he didn't give up that easy and he hasn't. He now goes out to lunch with another close friend, who knows nothing of this and I feel he does it to hurt me. He continued to email me for months and now all of a sudden has stopped. I know I did the right thing, but I feel so bad and yes, he hurts me. How in the world do I get though this? I feel even though I had feelings for him, we would have been so wrong, but I am so confused and struggle so much.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

 

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It sounds as if you are feeling confused by the controlling and manipulative actions by this man. It is never possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is already involved with someone else, so setting the limits that you set of not engaging in such a relationship was a healthy choice. Now the challenge is to not let this man have emotional power over you. One way to do this is to avoid all contact with him, not respond to him, not read any emails, and not respond emotionally to him as this will only fuel his pursuing you. If he persists, then this may be considered stalking. If he does engage in stalking behavior, you can document this behavior and notify police since there are laws against stalking. You may find the following website to be helpful: http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_People196

 

Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. It sounds as if your gut is telling you that this man is bad news. You deserve to have someone in your life who is not trying to control you or hurt you and someone who is worthy of your trust. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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