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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My girlfriend is freaking out about the future. We have been

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My girlfriend is freaking out about the future. We have been dating for a year now and she says she is very happy, yet she has her mind stuck on the future. She is freaking out that while she loves me now and we have strong feelings for eachother, what about three years from now? She is terrified that she won't feel the same about me in the future. I have been trying to comfort her and say we can't live our lives in fear, and she seems to recognize her fear is a bit irrational, but she can't shake it. Is there anything I can do or she can do to put her nerves at ease? AFter we talk about whats on her mind she says she feels better, and that just being with me makes her feel good, but her mind always drifts back to that fear. She is worrying so much it is affecting our relationship and her job. I don't want to leave as i love the girl dearly, but right now i feel like i am standing on tracks watching the train coming at me, but can't stop it.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for writing to JustAnswer!

 

It would help me to give the best possible answer if you could provide a little more information about your girlfriend:

 

How old is she? Has she been married or had live-in relationships before?

Did her parents divorce?

Does she have any other seemingly irrational fears?

How is her worrying about your relationship affecting her job?

 

I look forward to hearing from you and helping with this question..

Suzanne

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

hi

 

She is 25 she has lived on her own before but during her college days. She currently lives at home as she just found her job. Her parents are not divorced but have told her they had absolutely no fears when they decided to get married. She is very much a control freak and if she can't control something she tends to freak out. She was freaking out quite a bit about her job before she started. She came back from california the first week of august from visiting family and thats when all of this seemed to come up. She spent the better part of that week crying that she is afraid she will lose me and she won't have feelings towards me. It is affecting her job because she seems to worry about this so much it distracts her from getting things done. She told me the other day she cried during her lunch when she read an email i sent her just saying i hope she has a wonderful day. She said the thought of losing me is heart breaking

 


Thanks

Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for the additional information!

 

The amount of emotion she is displaying is out of proportion to the situation. It's not as if you are getting married next month. Crying over a simple email is not a normal reaction, so then the question becomes what else is going on?

 

I think its interesting that things got worse after she visited her parents. I think there may be more to that coincidence than their unfortunate statement about not having any fears. I can make some guesses as to what else there might be, but they are only guesses, of course...

 

People who grow up to be control freaks often were raised in chaotic homes, and the chaos could be due to alcoholism, mental health problems left untreated, domestic violence or family secrets. Her desire for a guarantee for future happiness is unrealistic, and may indicate that she has had to deal with "shifting sands" (feeling like nothing is stable) in her family of origin.

 

If this were my friend, I would help her find a good, supportive therapist to talk things out with. This much crying and worry may be the beginnings of a serious depression. The fact that it's affecting both her job and her relationship mean its time to get serious help.

 

This is treatable, and she can get past this. Try to be as patient and supportive as you can in the meantime, as you sound like you have been.

I wish you both the best,

Suzanne

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Suzanne and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Good evening, About a month a go I sent you an email about the problems my girlfreind had been having. Since then I thought things were getting better but over the past two weeks our relationship has had some struggles. I did manage to get her to see a pyschologist and she came back from her first appointment feeling really good. She said that the pyschologist would help her find ways to relax and manage her anxiety so it doesn't consume her life. However after that appointment my girlfriend started freaking out that she would not be able to see the pyschologist again until mid november due to scheduling conflicts. This kept bothering her and bothering her until she worked herself up so much that she had a breakdown over this issue. I urged her to call the pyschologist and see if she could be squeezed in somewhere. She was able to get in this past monday so we ended up leaving from our one year aniversary getaway a bit early to get her to her appointment. (our weekend away was incredible....it was nice to see she had a great time) The problem now is since she met with the pyschologist, things have gotten a lot worse. Remember my girlfriend was dealing with anxiety issues about what the future held between us and she was afraid of losing her feelings for me. AFter meeting with pyschologist, my girlfriend came out and said that we needed to talk, that the pyschologist had some rules for us to follow. Evidently we should not see eachother more than every other day...but in most cases two times a week. I was not happy about this...this to me seems like the pyschologist is trying to break up our relationship rather then help. We had plans to see a movie this week and she cancelled that....and we were going to have dinner with my parents on sunday, she cancelled that too due to the fact we are hanging out on Saturday. I barely was able to convince her to let me spend the night Saturday night since we are going to be out really late and didn't want to drive home. I was told fine i could stay the night, but i needed to leave First thing sunday morning so that our "rules" aren't broken. My question is...does this strategy make sense? I asked my girlfriend why she wants us to do this...and i was told that she was going to talk about what she and pyschologist discussed...and that she was told not to talk about this with me. I feel like she is being pushed away from me! What should i do? I love this girl... please help! Dave

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