Thanks for writing to JustAnswer!
It would help me to give the best possible answer if you could provide a little more information about your girlfriend:
How old is she? Has she been married or had live-in relationships before?
Did her parents divorce?
Does she have any other seemingly irrational fears?
How is her worrying about your relationship affecting her job?
I look forward to hearing from you and helping with this question..
She is 25 she has lived on her own before but during her college days. She currently lives at home as she just found her job. Her parents are not divorced but have told her they had absolutely no fears when they decided to get married. She is very much a control freak and if she can't control something she tends to freak out. She was freaking out quite a bit about her job before she started. She came back from california the first week of august from visiting family and thats when all of this seemed to come up. She spent the better part of that week crying that she is afraid she will lose me and she won't have feelings towards me. It is affecting her job because she seems to worry about this so much it distracts her from getting things done. She told me the other day she cried during her lunch when she read an email i sent her just saying i hope she has a wonderful day. She said the thought of losing me is heart breaking
Thank you for the additional information!
The amount of emotion she is displaying is out of proportion to the situation. It's not as if you are getting married next month. Crying over a simple email is not a normal reaction, so then the question becomes what else is going on?
I think its interesting that things got worse after she visited her parents. I think there may be more to that coincidence than their unfortunate statement about not having any fears. I can make some guesses as to what else there might be, but they are only guesses, of course...
People who grow up to be control freaks often were raised in chaotic homes, and the chaos could be due to alcoholism, mental health problems left untreated, domestic violence or family secrets. Her desire for a guarantee for future happiness is unrealistic, and may indicate that she has had to deal with "shifting sands" (feeling like nothing is stable) in her family of origin.
If this were my friend, I would help her find a good, supportive therapist to talk things out with. This much crying and worry may be the beginnings of a serious depression. The fact that it's affecting both her job and her relationship mean its time to get serious help.
This is treatable, and she can get past this. Try to be as patient and supportive as you can in the meantime, as you sound like you have been.
I wish you both the best,