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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hello, My husband and I spend quite a bit of time alone. We

Customer Question

Hello, My husband and I spend quite a bit of time alone. We recently moved to another state for his new job. I would like to make friends, including "couples friends" the problem is, my husband has issues with a learning disability and ADHD and can be quite "off" in social situations. Sometimes he doesn't understand what people are saying because he will get distracted and he'll respond inappropriately. I love his boyish ways, but the flip side of that is struggling with social relationships with him. This includes my family too. I've talked to him about it and he's agreed to look over some social skills with me. Even though he has agreed to do this, I realize how important it is for my own sanity and for our marriage to accept him for who he is. But, it's so hard sometimes!! Whenever we are in social situations, I listen to his every word and scrutize him and it makes me tense and unnatural. It makes him feel self-conscious and resentful too. I just have no idea how to deal with this. I'm also pregnant and don't want to become an isolated family. He just doesn't seem to "get" social cues - non-verbal subtleties etc.

I also worry how this affects him at his new job. I think he offends people without realizing it and it realy upsets me!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 3 years ago.
Hi, I am sure this is difficult for you to deal with especially when you would like to increase your social network. If you husband is not on medication for his ADHD I would suggest he get a full evaluation and be prescribed medication that will help him maintain focus. Then you can work with him on social skills, you can imagine and role play social situations and teach him appropriate ways to respond. Please click accept and leave feedback.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I agree with Dr. Keane's answer. Additionally, dealing with ADHD in and of itself can be stressful and draining for anyone and the fact that you are pregnant can certainly increase your frustration with your husband's ADHD due to the natural changes your body is going through from the pregnancy. In order to help you and your husband to deal with all of the above, I recommend that both of you agree to a day and time that the two of you can meet and not be disturbed on a weekly basis in order to talk specifically about his ADHD & social skills and during this time discuss and go over the social skills that he has been willing to look at. Also, agree on how long your discussion time should be, but be sure to keep the length of your meeting an enjoyable amount of time for both of you so that neither of you begin to dread coming together for this purpose. The purpose of this is to hopefully achieve the following goals:
1. alleviate you scrutinizing his every word in social situations
2. alleviate him and you both feeling self conscious
3. help you both further enhance your social skills
4. to bring you both even closer together

Also, here is a link to an article for informational purposes and for a book that you both can read and discuss together during your weekly meetings to further assist you in accomplishing the above goals. Click here for the article. Click here for the book.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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