thanks. I have been trying to let go and just be friends and see what else is out there, because of how much he has hurt me and how young we are. After this whole situation with him taking care of his sisters, I realized he doesn't treat me the way I want him to. (For example, when he gets mad he ignores me & when he ignores my texts and calls I get upset and cry & i tell him i'm crying but he still stays mad and ignores me until I just give up and quit trying. He usually wants things his way, and when I try talking about an important issue he doesnt talk back, he claims he doesnt want to talk but sometimes we need to talk and work out our problems, communication is our major issue, more on his end than mine.) A couple days before his mom went to jail, my grandpa became ill, and 2 days after she went to jail he passed away. He didnt go to the funeral with me and argued with me before the rosary and funeral. & it really hurt my feelings because I needed his support and comfort. He claims he was going through a hard time too, and i know he was but I just didnt think it was right that he got angry everytime I got upset; he didnt understand that i was extremely stressed and in pain because of both our situations.
The day after the funeral is when I moved out and broke up with him. Ever since he has been trying to get me back, doing everything but coming to talk to my parents and move out his sisters. when i dont talk to him he calls and texts until i give in and talk. & its always another ultimatum telling me either i move in or he's moving on or moving out of town. Last night he asked me to go stay the night with him so he could show me how great life would be living with him and after he would talk to my parents or he was going to transfer to a city an hour away and move on. Well I got up the nerve and told him no and explained that he wasnt realizing why I left and that I need time to find myself and make sure he's who I want to be with forever, and that i need to see he's changed before I jump back into a relationship with him.
Well today he invited me over, after a lot of begging I gave in & said we are just two friends hanging out watching tv. well midway through he started trying to get me back telling me that he doesnt want me to go find someone better and that he's in love with me and losing me would really hurt him because he lost his mother (to jail), and he doesnt really know his dad & his twin bro is also in jail and his sisters would be living with their dad. I felt bad, so we kind of decided to remain friends for the next two months, and talk, and see each other every once in a while, and that I could date and he would wait for me. I told him we would just be friends, no sex, no talking all day, no kissing, no saying 'i love you'. He's kind of upset and still is trying to tell me he cares.
Im just really confused, I dont know if we should remain that close, because he knows i'll keep having feelings and wont let go and he'll remain in control. I love him so much we've been together off and on for 5yrs. and I'm afraid of losing him, and i think he knows that.
Please help me make the right choice. I want to do the right thing for me. I want to be happy and in a healthy relationship.
Thanks. I'm just scared of being alone and he was my first love. I feel dumb for putting in so much effort just to have to walk away. But deep down I know that is what I need to do. Do you think we should quit talking or stay friends?