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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1708
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I am engaged, however, I am having doubts about getting married.

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I am engaged, however, I am having doubts about getting married. These doubts have been lingering for some time. In the meantime, I have reconnected with my first love in hopes to be just friends again. Since being friends, I have developed feelings for him again. I know my ex is attracted to me, but I'm not sure if he's feels as strongly about me as I do for him (I was always the one to have stronger feelings). He is aware of my engagement, but knows I am having doubts. My doubts about my engagement occurred before we reconnected. At this point, I am confused about both. I care for my fiance' because he is a great guys, but I don't know if I can be with him. I love my ex, but I don't know if he wants to be with me or if I truly want to be with him. Sometimes he gives me the impression he is interested and sometimes he appears as if he's not. What should I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, I am not sure what made you connect again with your ex but I suspect it was because you are not ready to get married right now. If you are confused, don't get married. Better to be sure now than to get married and then decide you made a mistake. You need to focus on you, not your ex or your fiance. I would suggest you find a therapist and work on yourself and find out what you really want. Many people get caught up once they are engaged and get into what I call "wedding" mode, they go through with it because they think they want to get married. Don't make that mistake. You are not being fair to your fiance or yourself, marriage is tough and you need to be trustworthy and 100% honest with each other so if you aren't then you are doing both of you a disservice. It won't be easy but you need to do the right thing, if you care for him but love your ex then take a step back from both and see what happens.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Although your response was great. I was looking for more of response on should I continue pursuing my ex. I apologize for not being clear. After I step back for a moment per your suggestion, is my ex worth pursuing since I am getting mixed signals from him? He is aware of my feelings for him. As I stated before we text about twice month. I've seen him a few times, but we never get a chance to talk in person or via phone. He seems to be more comfortable texting small talk. The last time I saw him we got pretty comfortable with each other, but nothing was discussed. He seems to get upset with me if I am unable to see him. He will not contact me until he is ready. Is this a control situation, is he playing games, or is he interested and the fact that I am engaged is holding him back from expressing his true feelings?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, Well, mixed signals are always confusing and if you want to know where you stand with him, ask him. Be totally honest, and tell him you need to know. You have told him how you feel, have you told him you were willing to take the chance and end your engagement? He may be under the impression that if you break the engagement you might be expecting marriage from him. Best way to find out is to talk about it. It's impossible to know his reason for him contacting you on his terms without asking. It could be any of the reasons you stated. All about communication and each person's individual perception of the others actions. Want to know be brave and ask, then you can decide whether to pursue him or not.
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Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1708
Experience: PHD LPC
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Dr. Keane
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