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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Hi, So i just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend.

Customer Question

Hi,

So i just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. I have dealt with all my feelings about the breakup(4months ago), and im ok, but it just felt heavier to find out than i thought. Yes, I do understand that he must move on with his life. I guess i dont know why im writing, since theres nothing that im expecting to hear, or can change. But it would be nice to hear some kind of thoughts, thats not my own.

Thank you
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

I'm sorry you're going through this. It always seems like a bearable situation when you consider an ex moving on, but sometimes it's more difficult than you expected when it actually happens -- particularly if you haven't moved on yet.

Try to remember the reasons it didn't work out and that although he may be happy in this new relationship, you would not have been. Maybe she's willing to settle for something you weren't? Or perhaps it won't work between them either -- for the same or entirely different reasons. Whatever happens, it may actually help you to let go completely as you realize he has moved on and so should you.

Are you dating anyone now or putting yourself out there to meet new people? You could try to focus on personal growth. Is there anything you've always wanted to do, but haven't? Look into new hobbies, recreational groups / clubs, volunteer work, or even community classes to see if there's something that might spark your interest. Now only will you be broadening your horizons, you'll give yourself additional opportunities to meet others. There's something about moving forward and new experiences that can be very healing when it comes to moving on from a relationship and wanting to feel better.

In the meantime, you might try journaling about the feelings you have to help you to sort through it all and reflect upon them later. Journals are a great place to express yourself and to set goals for the future. If your goals are big, be sure to set smaller, attainable "stepping stone" goals along the way to help you to get there.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you're feeling better about this soon!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Jennifer,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

I guess i am in much better place than i was when we ended the relationship, and at this point i could not see myself going back to him, because of certain stuff that just made me miserable in the relationship. However, i am still not completely over the relationship, i still think about him, and memories. I guess what disturbs me is that he moved on so fast, and got over me so fast.. which i guess is the thing that makes me sad.. And now theres another girl where i used to be.

I have been dating, and trying new experiences and going out with my friends and meeting new people. The guys ive all met are really nice, and some of them are good on paper, but i just dont feel like getting into a new relationship right now. I feel that unless i have a strong feeling towards the guy, i dont want to pursue JUST so i can "move on"...

(We dated for 2 and a half years, lived together for a year and a half)
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
Good for you for not jumping into another relationship just for the sake of being in one. Keep in mind that your ex may be doing that in this case. Or perhaps it's something more substantial, but either way it's not the relationship you want in your life. Try to remember that and focus on the things you learned from the experience. What did you like that you want to find in a future relationship? What aspects / experiences do you want to try to avoid?

I know it feels like he's replaced you, but he really hasn't. He's put someone new in that position, but it will never be the relationship you had together. The dynamics are different, the experiences are different, and what this girl brings to the relationship will be entirely different. In that sense, it's not YOU he's replacing... Does that make sense? The length of your relationship and the fact that you lived together will certainly make this a little harder to deal with. Try to remember how hard it was when you first broke up and how much better that is now. This will be the same -- Give it a little time and try to focus on the things in your life that are better now since you've left that relationship. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and spend some time doing the things you love. Think about the kind of relationship you want and don't settle for less.
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
Jennifer and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you very much for your thoughts, they really made sense.. Eventhough its still a bit hard, but im sure in time i will feel good! Thank you very much!
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
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