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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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Me - mid 40s, Divorce in process, 2 kids, Stable job and nice

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Me - mid 40's, Divorce in process, 2 kids, Stable job and nice income. I live in my own two bedroom apartment. See kids every other weekend.I live 40 miles from NY City.
Her - 33 Years old. Good job, makes great money, stable,Lives in New York City. Her job is very social and does tons of activities for work and with her friends.

Situation - We Dated 3 years ago when I first got separated for a few months. With intimacy. I ended it because I was not ready to see anyone at the time. Reconnected 6 months ago. Been on 15 or so dates since reconnecting. Went on 5 day vacation together to Grand Caymans last month. We have a lot in common. Great intimacy. I am afraid to bring up any topics about being exclusive to each other. I get the vibe from her that she may not want a boyfriend and implied responsibilities that come with one. We see each other on average now about once every 10 days or so. Speak on the phone twice a week and text each other a few sentences at least every other day. I also wonder that I may not be her ideal situation - that she would prefer someone with no"Baggage". My problem is that I am starting to like her and want something more with her. I am afraid that if I confront the situation - I may scare her away. I am also concerned that if I ask her to be monogomous with just me - she may say no and break off what we have going. Which is dating once every week or so with(Usually) intimacy. What does this sound like to you? Not sure what my best idea for long term progress with this woman is? Please avdise

Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

 

I'm afraid you may be rushing things by asking for a committment of fidelity from her while you are not yet available (divorce still in progress.)

 

Once the divorce is final, are you planning to marry this woman if the relationship progresses? She is quite a bit younger, never married. Does she eventually want children? Do you want more?

 

Not many 33 year old women will commit to a long-distance romance with a man who has his kids every other weekend--unless there is a long-term committment (read: marriage) in sight.

What is she supposed to do while you're with the kids on the weekends? Are you willing to incorporate her into their lives? Does she want to be involved with your children?

 

She not want a boyfriend, or she may want a boyfriend at the same stage of life as she is...just starting out. At 33, having a boyfriend does not usually involve responsibilities. I think you may open a can of worms that you will wish you hadn't if you ask her not to see anyone else.

 

Enjoy the time with her that you have...bringing things to a head may well bring them to a close.

 

Sorry not to have a more encouraging answer for you, but I feel that people who write to us deserve honesty.

 

Suzanne

Please click on accept if this has helped clarify your situation.

 

 

 

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