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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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Ive been seeing a guy for about 5 months and we had a small

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I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months and we had a small diasagreement which has caused an emotional wedge in our relationship. I over-reacted to an innocent comment (due to past emotional baggage) and he has pulled away (as my reaction reminded him of his ex wife). We are now ackward around each other and don't talk. We used to text and call 3-5 times a day. Since the tiff last weekend, I've barely heard from him and he doesn't answer my calls. Unfortunately we are highly compatable sexually so fell into bed when seeing each other yesterday versus talking. We have a long distance relationship.

We talked afterwards but the real issue didn't surface until later (over text) when he was on his way home. I was visiting for work.   Usually we spend the weekend together if I'm in town but he didn't even acknowledge that option rather met me for a few hours before heading home. He said he was looking forward to an open - no plan weekend and wanted to get it started soon). I know it's because I scared him and he is now pulling away. I couldn't believe he opted to head home early versus spend time with me after not seeing each other for almost 2 weeks. I won't see him again until next week and feel awful. I don't know how to fix this as calling and texting will drive him further. He is withdrawn and I don't know how to approach the issue. I feels like it will spin out of control and I'll lose him....all over a stupid misunderstanding.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for writing to Just Answer.

 

If a man is looking more forward to a weekend with no plans than spending time with you, it sounds as though he has made up his mind that you are going to be only a sexual partner. His saying this to you (looking forward to the weekend alone) sounds a bit passive-aggressive as well.

 

I would advise that you not put yourself in a position to fall into bed with him again until he makes it clear that he has come to his senses over your falling out. If he is going to classify you as "just like his ex " over one disagreement, I doubt the long-term prospects of this relationship. You will be walking on eggshells around him if he's this quick to pass judgment and withdraw from you.

 

He may be doing you a favor by showing his emotional immaturity this early in the relationship.

 

Think long and hard before getting too attached to this man. Do not let him leverage this misunderstanding into a position of power where you are afraid to express yourself for fear of sounding like his ex. You may have scared him, but instead of talking about it he withdrew and "punished" you by spending the weekend alone. This does not seem like the actions of an emotionally mature man.

 

This may not be what you wanted to hear, but sometimes people do us a favor by showing their true colors early on...and we are wise not to ignore them.

Best regards,

Suzanne

 

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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