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Angela , Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hi, My boyfriend cheated on his ex three months back while

Customer Question


My boyfriend cheated on his ex three months back while dating me (I didn't know he was in a relationship). After phases of emotional turmoils I decided to give him a chance, then we stayed together and happy mostly. I began to trust him and he did try very hard to make me feel comfortable and loved. Last night, I accidentally read an email he wrote to his ex recently, saying things like "i love you", "miss you horribly", "every tiny things I do reminds me of you" (with specific examples) and "it was perfect. I don't know how I messed it up" etc. And his ex still loves him much. I was hurt and confronted him. His explanation was he sometimes felt really guilty about cheating on her, especially when she asked him what she did wrong in their relationship, but he didn't mean it, he just wanted to say something to make her feel better. He said he loved me and only wanted to be with me.

It's my fault to read his personal email in the first place. Sometimes it's better not to know too much? On the other hand I'm glad I did. Such a contradiction. I know it takes time to trust someone, but I also wonder if it's worth continuing this relationship? My love is confused now. I need your guidance.

Thank you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I think if you believe him then you should give him a chance to actually prove himself to you especially in lieu of the things he wrote in the email, however, at the same time I would also consider this as strike one for him. It does indeed take time for him to earn your trust, therefore, I suggest sharing with him the types of things that will help him earn your trust. Take some time and think about them and then when the two of you are alone discuss them with him. You could begin by saying something such as (using your own words), I want our relationship to be stronger and for us to be closer, and I would like to share with you the things that would make me feel more comfortable trusting you. After the conversation with him continue to enjoy your relationship and see if he actually proves himself to you thereby earning your trust and take it from there.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX I ask for examples as to "types of things that will help him earn my trust"? I did ask him to prove the genuineness of his love for me but I can't come up with specific things. Appreciate it.
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
The types of things would include the specific things that you feel uncomfortable about in your relationship in addition to the email incident, for example: if he says that he will meet you at a certain time and doesn't then you would want him to start calling you to keep you in the loop as to when he would be there. Another example, due to the nature of the things he told his ex, do you want him to no longer communicate with her at all? In addition to the above, I recommend having him commit to reading a book with you about building trust and for both of you to discuss the chapters as you read through them. Doing this would usually bring the two of you closer together and help to strengthen your relationship. One example of such a book can be found by clicking here. You should both decide together how you both will spend time going through the book so that it does not become something that either one of you regrets or doesn't look forward to doing. Decide together how to go through the book, for example: when the two of you sit down together and how much time to spend, however, keep it light and enjoyable for both of you so that you both benefit from the book.

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