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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer, Lisa has been home for almost a

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Ask Jennifer. Hi Jennifer, Lisa has been home for almost a week now. I let the whole trip thing go but it just seems that we still argue over dumb things. For example we went out sat night with a friend and it was kinda crowded and people were bumping into to her so she wigged out and wanted to leave. She kinda ruined the night for my friend and I. Then today, we did a lot of things together and her mom called and said she has not been home since last week. I can't win. So she is going home wed for her birthday then comming back at night. Then just a little while ago she said maybe I should come back Thursday to keep the peace. So she is not going to see me on her birthday? I am not sure what's the best way to deal with this. She does not want to go home but she wants to make her mom ande sister happy. I feel so insecure. Theres no flow if that makes any sense. We have fun together but I think the outside influences could bury us. Any ideas thanks.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
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Jennifer :

I think there is a flow to this relationship, but it seems to lack any consistency. One minute you're convinced this is the one and you feel entirely secure in the fact that any hesitation you had was simply because it's so real that it scares you. The next you're convinced she's not the person you thought she was. The flow you have with Lisa is more of a roller coaster than anything else. Do you think it's the drama that is sustaining the two of you? What I mean by that is that sometimes there are couples who seem to thrive on the intensely emotional highs and lows. It adds excitement in some ways, but ultimately it can be very draining. I get the feeling you're beginning to feel tired of this relationship switching "on" and "off." Are you interested in finding more consistency with her? That's the bigger question that I think you might want to think about.

Jennifer :

With regards XXXXX XXXXX issues at hand, I do think it's worth telling her how spending her birthday elsewhere makes you feel. It's a special occasion and you'd hoped she would want to spend it with you. Leave it at that and see how she responds... You mentioned arguing all of the time -- What are you arguing about?

Jennifer :

Not sure if there is a glitch in the new chat system or not, but I got an e-mail that said you'd replied to this... However, when I checked the site I appear to have the last reply. If I've missed one, please try posting again. Thanks!

Customer:

Hi Jennifer. The problem is that her mom is complaining that she doesnt see her because she is with me and since she was away. Thats part of it. The other part is that her mom feels that she should not be staying with me 5 days a week because we are not engaged. Why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free. So not only are we not consistent but family is putting there two cents in. My family is fine. But I knew this would all happen and she did not listen. So I am mad that I was right all along about what would happen. ie trip, living with me, etc.

Jennifer :

Lisa is an adult. She can certainly make her own decisions about whether she wants to stay with you and explain to her family that it's her choice to spend as much time with you as she does. Unfortunately it's not unusual for family members to give their opinions on relationships even if it's none of their business. How Lisa responds to it (knowing how you feel, of course) is what's important. Is this the first time she's opted to do what her family tells her to or do you see a pattern here?

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