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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I just got out of an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship.

Resolved Question:

I just got out of an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. On top of healing from simply the breakup (because I truly did care for this person), I also need time to "revamp" my self esteem and heal emotionally from everything I went through. I've got to have time to myself...finding myself again because I truly do lose my sense of self in this past relationship. One of my weaknesses is really falling hard for someone. Rejection is especially hard for me for some reason (one reason why I am so beaten down by this relationship).

So anyways, I feel as if I need a double dose of healing time before I'm ready to date someone again. I've had a lot of guys ask me out (unfortunately none of which I'd really be interested) but at this point, I feel that if I try to go out with someone now, it will only make me miss my ex more and tempt me to contact him after my date... and slow the healing process. The thought of going out on a date right now only makes my stomach churn no matter how great they are. I've tried to be honest from the get-go with any of the guys by telling them that I'm recently single and I'm not quite ready to go out with anyone yet. All of them except one has been sensitive towards my position right now and has backed off. I don't feel it would be right for me to tell him everything I've been through but he just won't leave me alone. He asks me out every single day. I'm tired of feeling liked I'm being pushed into this. I've told him I'm not ready yet. Why can't he respect that?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Good Afternoon,

 

You are correct- healing and feeling better is important before you jump into any new situation/relationship.

 

You also seem to have realized that the prior relationship had not been a good and healthy one. What you may be missing in that person is not the individual per see (but your hopes that this person would have changed and acted better)

 

People usually find themselves in vulnerable relationships when there may be some unresolved issues from past relationships (Such as having been rejected by a first love, a male role model ex father, teacher, etc) and subconsciously getting attracted to people who remind you of that (in a way trying to remedy and fix the situation from the past)

 

A man should never pressure you to the point where you feel pushed. He should respect your wish (as to why he can not respect that the possibilities may be many - he is just a self serving individual, he's set on getting what he wants regardless of what you want or are comfortable with, he lacks social skills to figure out that he is rather pushing you away by acting in this way,etc.

 

Do not do anything you're not ready or comfortable doing. You have already been disappointed and don't need any more of that.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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