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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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hey... you and I spoke the other day about the relationship

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hey... you and I spoke the other day about the relationship I was in. (with the girl :) ... had to throw that in someway. anyways.. I am feeling kind of down...way down I have been chanting to myself... just get through the day.. your going to be ok.. but all these what if's keep creeping into my head! Im angry at her, I do not understand why she left me, when she was the one doing wrong. I was supposed to leave her first! and I do not feel like I had closure... I know she is full of s***... but ughhhh... i still love her... and I feel guilty for loving her because she hit me..and has no respect for me. and now I have all these thoughts in my head about her making love to someone else.. and I just need all these emotions to STOP before I run myself crazy...
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 4 years ago.

Hi, and I do apologize. I did not recognize this question was for me. I do apologize.

 

A few things, first off I like the chanting a lot. Change the mantra from I am going to be okay, to I AM OKAY.

 

Affirmations have to be in the present to work well and I am going to be okay postpones your being okay. You are okay. You are fine. Your mind is really harming you right now.

 

The next thing is that weekends are the worst on break ups. We have no job, no school, no structure so to speak to divert us from our thoughts so we spend a lot of time ruminating. At least during the week our minds are forced to focus on other things so we do a little better and I bet today went a lot better for you today than the past two days.

 

I do not think it really matters who left who first. Relationships are not about contests, while certainly they are about power, it never matters who left who and frankly it is nobodys business who did the leaving.

 

I do not think that you still love her so much as you do miss that feeling that you had when you were with her. You are not going to go crazy. Remember, you existed for many years before she came along. You were able to breathe, to study, to work, to eat and sleep, and to laugh. You do not need her to live. You are just fine without her. You did not stop breathing when you broke up, did you?

Of course not. Your body knows exactly how to survive, but your mind has you so convinced that you cannot. Our imaginations are so powerful and they really do dictate how we feel from day to day. We can think ourselves in and out of so many emotions and feelings.

 

I remember an especially hard break up I had before I met and married my husband. I was really crushed and feeling so pitiful and hopeless. A wise and wonderful friend happened to call me in the midst of an especially awful moment I was having and gave me some wonderful words of solace. He told that my ex had done me a favor by breaking up with me so now I would not have to do the breaking up. His words also made me laugh, but of course he was right.

 

This woman has done you a huge favor. You do not really wish to spend your life or any part of it with someone who behaves as she did to you. Not really. She did you a huge favor by letting you go. Now you can go out and find someone who will love you and treat you well as you so deserve.

 

We all have down days in the weeks after a break up. Some days you are going to feel pretty lousy and other days not so lousy. Let time heal you and your heart.

You are okay. You are just fine right this moment.

I promise you.

Warm regards, Cathy

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Cathy
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Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice