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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I have a personal issue, and I need a suggestion/advice from

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I have a personal issue, and I need a suggestion/advice from a professional. I had a long-distance with a woman from russia for about 10 months. At that she was broke up with her boyfriend. I've come close to her to quick. I understand now that she was creating an illusion for me and made me to believe that she is the best woman in my life. As an experienced woman, she quickly got access to my heart. She have said that she so much wants to meet with me. We have exchanged tones of pictures. She have said that I am the best guy and that she loves me. However about 2 months ago I noticed that is getting colder and not interested. After I questioned her, she told me that she was just supporting me and never meant what she has said. In fact, she told me that I'm nice attractive, kind, but not her type. Totally different whas she was saying. Two days ago she sent me an email that she got back with her ex-boyfriend and that she realized he is the only person she loved. In fact, she told him about her relationship with me, and it makes me think she was trying to make him more jealous by using me. She no longer wants to talk to me. I feel ashamed as I still keep calling, but realized it is all over. I am suffering from obsessive love. I wake up thinking about her. I just cant stop thinking. It affects my every day activity. It is been almost a month since I stopped talking to her, but pain does not go away. I trying to determine if it is my hurt ego, or love. I need a valuable advice. Will this finally go away the way I feel? I am terrified that it wont.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for writing to JustAnswer! I will try my best to help you with your feelings of obsessive love for this woman in Russia.

 

Part of the reason it s hard to let go of this relationship it that it was, essentially, a fantasy relationship. It is so easy for everything to feel perfect when the only interaction you have with each other is email and phone calls.

 

So this felt like the perfect relationship for awhile. And, nothing happened between you to change that. You didn't have a fight, find out that she snores, or any of the other things that drive wedges between people.

 

But I think you are right that she was creating an illusion, and using your "romance" to make her boyfriend jealous.

 

This is a big blow to your ego. Not only have you lost the fantasy of this make-believe romance, you may also be feeling a little foolish that you were "used" by this woman. It's very hard to let go when you feel that you've been misused and misled.

 

But don't mistake this for love. Love requires two people, and she has made it clear that she's no longer interested in you.

 

Your pride has been hurt and you probably have a million things you want to say to her---but none of it will make any difference.

 

Look for a woman who you can actually spend time with...someone who thinks you are exactly the right "type" for them. When you realize that other women will be interested in you, it will go a long way toward helping to forget this unfortunate situation.

 

This woman was never actually in your life...you are missing what you thought you had--which was not a reality.

 

I'm sorry you were treated so shabbily by this woman...but remember, that is a reflection on her....not you! You can hold your head up high knowing that you conducted yourself with integrity. She cannot.

 

I hope you find this helpful...please click on ACCEPT if you did. If you need more info, just ask.

Best regards,

Suzanne

 

 

 

 

 

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you very much for your advice. I really idealized her in my mind. She did a great job within this 10 month period to make me believe that is the best woman for me. She is definitely a woman who knows how to seduce a man and how to find a key to their heart. This is unfortunate. Right now I am scared that after 4 weeks I still feel pain, burning, and frustration. Why does it take so long? Will it go away? I cant even think about other women. Recently, a doctor prescribed antidepressant, but it is not helping. I so much want her to get out of my heart and mind!

Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

There is an old saying that it takes a week to recover from each month of a relationship, and I've found this is often true. You were in this fantasy relationship for 10 months, so it's not unusual for you still to be hurting.

 

Antidepressants can take up to a month to raise your mood, and you can often feel a little more depressed the first week or two of taking them. It's actually due to a slight sedation effect some of the antidepressants have at first. It's important to be patient...by the third to fourth week, your mood will improve.

 

If you don't have a big network of friends to support you, it might be worth seeing a therapist for a few weeks to help get this out of your system...and help you avoid people like this woman in the future.

 

This will go away. You will eventually realize that you were lucky to have found out that she wasn't trustworthy before you entwined your life with hers.

I wish you all the best,

Suzanne Please click ACCEPT if my responses have been helpful.

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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