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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My boyfriend has a female friend that lives out of state that

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My boyfriend has a female friend that lives out of state that he texts almost daily. He says they are just friends, but I asked to see their text converstations to understand their relationship better and he refused to let me see his phone. He says I should trust him and he has told me everything I need to know. Should I expect him to realize I need reassurance and show me, or should I go ahead with the relationship and try to trust blindly?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

You would not want to trust blindly (especially after what had happened with your ex's betrayal)

 

It seems a bit too much to text daily a female friend even if she lives out of state. It is not unreasonable fo you to explain to him your need for reassurance. It is also respectful for him to at least tell you what is it that they are conversing/texting about so much.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He has said they just write about everyday things but I peeked at his phone one time and saw they flirt and say things like "love you and miss you", he has told her she's sexy, she tells him he's cute, etc. He continues to deny there is anything more than friendship and says I shouldn't need proof, I should trust him since he spends all his time with me. I have asked him to compromise and be more open with his phone and let me see their conversations and he says he won't do that because it's an invasion of privacy. I don't know what to do. If I continue the relationship because I love him, am I showing I'll be submissive?
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Writing "love you and miss you" to each other is totally inappropriate when he is in a relationship with you. If there was nothing to hide, why the secrecy on his part?

He may be having an" emotional affair" with her seeking her compliments to boost his self esteem, etc. If you continue the relationship, you would want to figure out if this is how you want things to go on. Today he texts her, tomorrow he may start texting someone who lives in your town down the street. Compromises in a relationships are ok as long as you do not compromise your happiness and well being. Figure out if this is a serious committed guy or not. Your love for him won't change him. He has to do that himself. Sibmissiveness is not healthy for any relationship (it has to be equal)

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
We have talked the past few days and he continues to tell me that he wants to be with me but that I need to learn to trust him and work on my insecurities. He continues to tell me that he has told me they are just friends and neither wants more than that and that should be all I need to believe him. He says having proof doesn't mean trust. I have known him a year and he hasn't done anything that I'm aware of or lied to me. He spends most of his time with me and does not go out without me or tell me I'm not welcome. However, I continue to wonder if the conversations they have is purely to boost his self esteem and entertaining or if there are more feelings. I am in turmoil whether to give the relationship another chance or stand my ground and tell him if he can't be open with his phone that it won't work out.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
Even if the conversations are to boost his self esteem, that should have to come from you - his girlfriend. If he is so inflexible and can not show you the conversations or respect your wish, then why give him another chance? Of course, if you think that your strong reaction is because of your own insecurity and you absolutely believe him 100%, then rethink the situation. The facts remain though - he's talking to her, you've asked him not to and he appears secretive.
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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