Hi jacustomer and thanks for writing JA
Yes, in a very sure way this makes sense. I think your friend is trying to tell you that he cares for you and appreciates you but also that he is waiting for his wife.
I call it this way and I so know you are not going to like my response but I have to offer you an expert answer based on years of clinical expertise.
I do not care if his wife has bpd or halitosis. He is staying with his wife and not sleeping with you because he is waiting for her. Labels are just labels and they do not define a human being. She may very well have a fragile psychiatric disorder,but frankly, most spouses of people with BPD go right out and file for divorce. Your friend has not and it does seem as if he will.
As for not having a sex life with her? Well, I do not care how nice and how wonderful and how honest this guy might be. If he is not intimate with you, he is intimate with her or someone else.
I think you are getting the "go round" and your friend is using his wifes illness to manipulate you.
I would say this, if you wish for more you are not going to get it from him.
If you want more, forget it.
As for friendships being more important or valued than marriages, do not believe this for one moment.
I think you are being manipulated. I think your friend is ambivalent and he wants it both ways and its up to you if you wish to play second fiddle for all your life. I know people who choose this, but its a tough life.
My recommendation: go out and find someone who loves you as a friend and as a lover. Find someone whose full dedication is to you and who cherishes and loves you without conditions.
Loving someone with conditions is not love at all, it is merely a contract.
I know you are not going to like my answer but I say leave this man alone and find yours and I do not care if he calls you for 15 hours straight and begs you no end. This is why phones have turn off buttons.
I promise you this is not a good situation for me.
Let me know what you think.
warmest regards, Cathy