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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I am always depressed even after years of trying many antidepressants.

Resolved Question:

I am always depressed even after years of trying many antidepressants. The core reason is my relationship with my wife. Our marriage of 27 years has always been void of love, any emotional connection, sharing common interests, etc., etc., etc. I know it's our relationship because when I'm away (out of country on business) for up to 10 weeks at a time, I'm not depressed at all. I feel relaxed and can joke around other people at work or other situations but my wife believes I'm humorous because around her, I am. I'm not "myself" around her and look forward to her leaving for shopping or for the weekend. At those times, I play music, sing, clean or any other of multitudes of things I just don;t do when shes home.

We shared a common interest when we met as we were engineers in the same program at the same school. Immediately after we married we worked at the same company and I noticed that was all we talked about. Now that we don't we literally talk very little simply because there is no common interest. We raised 2 daughters, one is married and one graduates from HS next year but this summer she if living with our older daughter 400 miles from home for a summer job in that area. My wife an I have nothing to do together and looking ahead to being empty nesters is a big concern.

What should I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this tough time you are having. You can salvage your marriage if your wife is willing to also work on it because it takes two for a relationship to work and thrive. I think you should sit down with her and have a honest conversation with her. Ask her what does she want out of your marriage and discuss it and do the same for what you want out of your marriage. For example, do you both want to have a happier and healthier marriage? If so discuss this and discuss what each of you would like to do in order to achieve a happier and healthier marriage. Also, discuss the short term goals you both would like to reach in your marriage such as reconnecting your emotional bond to one another and how to achieve this for example, you could have a special night out once a week together to go to a movie, jazz club, poetry reading, etc. Additionally, be sure to treat her in the way that you want to be treated. For example: be extra nice to her and do things that you know she really likes such as making her favorite meal or taking her out to her favorite restaurant, surprising her with tickets to an event she really wants to go to, and etc. Encourage her to do the same things for you because all of this helps you both grow closer to one another and to establish a deeper emotional bond. Also, keep in mind, in general, once a woman feels emotionally close and appreciated by her husband, it is easier for her to desire to be intimate with him. You can also read this article for additional ideas and tips to further bond with your wife, click here.
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