Dear XXXXX, thank you for your reply. I am feeling extremely depressed. There was so much to take in today. I had to deal with unruly customers at work and worse of, I learned much more things about him and lies he said.
Today, I found out that he was in another relationship and they both got together as recent as a year ago. I presume all these while, he is his own 'cousin' and the women's stuff belongs to his girlfriend, wife or fiancee.
I feel so angry, so sad and depressed, so stupid and most of all, apologetic towards his girlfriend (if he really does have one). I would never ever stepped in if I knew he was already in a relationship.
Angela, after all that he had done, why do I still have hopes that he is no longer in a relationship with the lady. I find excuses and try to convince myself in hope that things could work out. A voice in me keeps telling me that maybe he had already ended their relationship before we started ours. Things like if there was really a woman, he probably would have never invited me over to his place and shown me where he lived. Things like he would not have taken up the job opportunity and embark in a new career overseas; leaving his girlfriend alone at home. He is currently situated outside of the country for work and will be there for a year.
Earlier today, I spoke to him over the phone and told him I needed to end the relationship because he haven't been entirely honest with me and that that was not what I was looking for in a relationship. I did not tell him what I had found out as I wanted him to tell me himself. Through out the conversation, he did not admit being in a relationship and did not take the initative to tell me anything. He begged me not to leave and not to give up on him. Angela, I am lost. I feel so helpless. What should I do?
1. Get a positive support system in place for yourself which includes loved ones and friends you can trust and share this extremely painful experience with and who will also help you through it.
2. You are dealing with various normal emotions due to being separated from someone you were once so close to, therefore, if possible, I recommend going to see a therapist, counselor, etc., in person on a weekly basis to help you deal with this (-especially any guilt, hurt, confusion, frustration, anger, etc. that you may naturally feel). If you are religious, your place of worship may have free counseling available (-many churches have free counseling).
3. Write down how you feel in a journal. Then close out each writing session by meditating: close your eyes, breathe in deeply and exhale. At the same time think of something peaceful. For example: a bright blue ocean with deep rich blue waves gently whispering against the beach. Meditating will help you through this difficult time and it will also help you to heal. It will take some time, but you will get through this very painful and difficult time if you do the above steps.
4. A book I recommended to my clients dealing with the same situation, which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here: I know it doesn't seem like it now, but slowly and surely you will be able to overcome this.
Dear XXXXX, thank you for your reply. I have been thinking about what you said. I just hope that I would have the courage and strength to stand firm and not allow him to treat me that way. You are right, perhaps it takes time... Because right now I am still constantly thinking about him. Thank you for your honesty and advice. Keep in touch. Sincerely, Sheena