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Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
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I was in a serious relationship that began on 11/09. It took

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I was in a serious relationship that began on 11/09. It took me a while to trust and commit to this man. He waited patiently. Right when I committed, the nightmare started. We lost touch for 2 weeks due to some of his $ was stolen on his bank acct bc he had left his laptop at work on night and his acct login was saved on his computer. Due to this his bank froze his acct after he reports such event to them. He would wake me up at 3am to do some banking research for him etc. One of his clients did come through in sending him $ that he wanted to deposit on a online banking company.   He lives in NM but was in Nigeria for work. <br /><br />Then after this, he was admitted to the hospital for a month or more for malaria. He left me message ab what hospital he was staying but no contact #. I tried to find him by contacting a church friends sister who lives in Nigeria. She wasn't much help. She just verified that the hospital existed and the address he told me was correct. I knew this already. I was worried sick about him all the time. Then we lost touch for 3 months so I thought he blew me off. <br /><br />After 1 month or so, I decided not to wait and moved on with my dating life. I'm 40 almost 41 yrs old. I don't feel I have much time to waste since I have no children at this time. After 3 months, this man contacts me through Yahoo IM. I was very shocked bc I was finally realizing it was over btw us. He told he was kidnapped when he was trying to call me using a phone booth like he has several times before. I didn't truly believe his story even though I know it happens there all the time. <br /><br />He had told me that he would wait for me to rebuild trust in him if it took me weeks or months to do this. With him saying this, I was willing to talk but not commit in a relationship with him as of yet. Then the second day, he changes his mind and stated I either trust him or not. Then told me to send him $700 to prove my devotion and trust in him. He wanted to know how far I would go for him & our relationship. Obviously, I declined such request. He said if I won't send him the $ that he was going to fly to Canada to repay a woman who did send him $15k to get him out of Nigeria. <br /><br />Then a few days later I get a message that he felt foolish for asking me this. It was indirect apology from him. Then the next or so days he sends me another message stating that he was seeing if I did what he asked me to do. Since, I didn't he chose to fly to Canada. After that I never trusted him as I did before. I told him that there are other ways to prove this than $. I had thought I had proven this to him several times by some of things I have mentioned here. So, $ shows him love, caring, trust and devotion. I know that $ is not any of those things. So, he forgot all I did for him and bc I didn't send him the $ he choose to fly to Canada to meet a woman who had sent him $15k to get him out of Nigeria. I was unwilling to do this bc I felt he just wanted $ plus I didn't have that kind of $ to get him out of Nigeria. He didn't ask me for $15k but a few thousand dollars. He wanted to pay her back in person. He got ugly with me and told he was doing this for his conscience & not for me. He hoped that I was happy by myself. I told him that I'm not by myself. He just laughed. I always took his messages bc he was never nasty to me except recently as I mentioned. I was told tonight from a friend of him that this man felt that I didn't trust him any longer and he has a major problem with that. Also, he said that this old boyfriend has over 12 sexy and hot woman after him that would do anything he says. And I was unwilling to do so. I told his friend that most are satisfied with a man, good looking and $ and that's it. I'm a deeper person than that. All that is not enough for me. I look how the man treats me and more. I told him friend and ex boyfriend that he needed to prove to me that I could trust him not the other way around. I did nothing wrong except protect myself. So, supposedly his friend stated that this ex boyfriend left him a message stating that he is in the process of buying this woman a house in Canada at the same city he told me that he was doing for me. This woman had tried to break us up during our relationship. He said she could never do that plus she couldn't buy him. He also thought the night he was going to call her that she was a loser to him but the felt he needed to repay her back in person. My feelings are this, he could have flown to TX and then we could have gone together to repay this woman in Canada. But, he made his choice. His friend stated that ex boyfriend is used to getting his way bc of his looks and I was unwilling to do so. So, he turned to another woman. I feel 100% sure that I did the right thing. Why do men feel that $ is the answer to true love? He is not the only one who I see who has these views. If the woman sends him $ forgot that she has bad morals and values. I'm being viewed by them both as being selfish.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.
Hey, Linda,

This man is a con man. The Nigerian scams are legend on the internet, and I wouldn't buy a word of what he says. He knows that you might give him money because you continue to interact with him. I suggest that you drop the rope entirely...including caring what these people "think" of you.

Your gut picked up on the red flags and you didn't lose any money...good for you and keep it up!

Anna
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm familiar with the scammers in Nigeria. I did research on him and where he lives etc. That's how I knew he lives in New Mexico for real. That's the only reason I kept up the communication with him in the past.

But, 95% or more online on dating service who contact me where in Nigeria or scammers. Why such a high %?

Yes, I did drop him when he said to send him $700 or else.
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


Good call on checking him out. Nigeria has very little law enforcement so it's easy to route internet scams and banking through there. They're not going to cooperate with any international investigation, so the scammers route through their county's system to create a safety block.

Take care and keep in touch with your gut!


Anna
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Can you explain this comment: They're not going to cooperate with any international investigation, so the scammers route through their county's system to create a safety block.

Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


The government in Nigeria is overwhelmed with many more pressing needs than to protect Americans from getting scammed, so they don't follow up with investigations. This allows a safe haven for scammers, much like some countries are known as good places to launder money.

Anna
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I understand this about scammers.

My other point is a high % of men are looking for woman to take care of them financially. This is such a turn off to me. they can be either online or at church. Why is this?
Expert:  Anna replied 4 years ago.


I don't think I can tell you a good answer on that one.

My best to you,
Anna
Anna, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: 29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.
Anna and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
There is a reason why the stats for men who r looking for financial security from woman instead of themselves. It's either the way the culture is going or something.

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29 years experience in addictions & mental health. I'll tell you my honest opinion.