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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Im about to meet a man in person for a serious relationship

Resolved Question:

I'm about to meet a man in person for a serious relationship pretty soon. This guy wants to come down from another state and stay at our home. I currently live with my parents and he knows why. Here is the problem, I'm not sure how to tell him about my dad's temper. You can say the wrong thing and my dad will yell, scream, slam doors and more. He is very moody and u never know when his mood will change. He is 74 yrs old.

I don't think its a good idea for this man to stay with us because of my dad's temper. I don't want my dad to scare this man away before the relationship gets serious. This man is coming from the UK from a business trip to Texas but currently lives in CT.

How do I handle this? Should I be honest or what? I'm a direct and to the point communication. But, I think me telling him about my dad's temper directly will either scare him away or give him doubts.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

You can be honest without going into a whole lot of details.

 

It may not be appropriate for him to stay over your home. The two of you can look into renting a place. You may tell him that your dad has health issues and changes aggravate him. After all, you are talking about your geriatric dad. Irritability and anger can be evident in those with depression.

 

If this man is serious and dignified, he will understand a lady's concern and honesty.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Well, that's my communication problem I don't know how to be honest without going into the whole lot of details. That is why I created this posting.

The problem he is being released from a hospital soon because he had a car wreck. The time is up to come home soon. He needs to come back home to fix his credit card and banking bc nothing is getting down while he is out of town. So, he will need a place to stay plus meals. I can't and won't pay for this soon of the dating relationship. Maybe I can get my church to help him out.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
You can stick to what a person need to know and no more than that. There really is no formula in an online post that would fix how you do it. You have your own style of communication. Keep it short and simply. There is no harm in that. You are being honest. Why burden this man with info that really is not something he needs?

Edited by Dr Rossi on 7/9/2010 at 6:39 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Not sure why you opted out of this posting. I did tell him roughly about my dad's mood and not wanting him to get too close to him and why. He was very understanding ab it.

I still haven't let him know bc of this it won't be a good idea for him to stay at my home. But, he needs a place to stay w meals included.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Opted out because I was not sure the info was helping you and another expert can see it from another angle and offer more feedback.

 

Your expectation of him is quite reasonable. There is nothing wrong with him staying elsewhere. That way neither party gets stressed out.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I did tell him that I didn't really to get close with my dad and why. He was nice and understood.

But, I haven't told him directly that staying here would be a major problem.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

You do not have to explain all of it to him. You have already indicated that it would be inconvenient. You also do not want their first interaction to be unpleasant. Just because your dad is struggling with issues, it does not mean that you have those issues yourself.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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