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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again

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my husband, who has been semi-retired for 1 year, has again become obsessed with tracking down a former fiancee who ended the relationship in 1967. He had a previous 'episode' 16 years ago, a a time of great job stress, and saw a counsellorfor 8 weeks which resulted in a cermonial burning of her letters which I thought was the end of the matter. This re-occurrence has resulted in him finding her South African address and telephone nunber and speaking to her once, when she became impatient with him and put the phone down. He is still searching for something to do with her. We have discussed it all but he won't tell me what he wants to know just says he is 'curious' about what happened to her. He has also confessed to trying to track down another previous fiancee which he ended, but has drawn a blank. We have been nmarried 38 years and have had a roller coaster relationship as I consider him ot be very controlling. I found he has alos been having an online conversation with a woman he was at school with 50 years ago which has been going on for over 3 years
I would not say the he is a womaniser as he usually fails to realise when a woman is trying to chat him up
I do not know how to handle this anymore . Please help
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, it sounds as if he is seeking out the women to satisfy his ego. It is not uncommon for men who have been married as long as you have to act out in ways which satisfy their ego. Some men do this because it makes them feel more masculine and therefore making them feel more like a man. However, although you say it is a fantasy world with real people, he still needs to respect your feelings and not over step the boundaries of your feelings so continue to talk to him about this as often as you feel you need to. As far as the heavy drinking goes, this signifies something deeper in addition to his ego going on with him. I suggest talking to him about this matter and ask him what is it that makes him drink heavily? Also, ask him would he be willing to go to a free support group for his drinking such as AA? Tell him that you want to help him deal with what is causing him to drink and ask him how you can help him and discuss it.
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