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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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I dont want to have sex every night and my husband does.

Resolved Question:

I don't want to have sex every night and my husband does. We do have sex at least 3 or 4 times a week. I feel like that is normal and he says that is not enough. What is normal for a marriage? I am tired some nights and just want to cuddle and go to bed. I don't feel like there is anything wrong with that. What is the average amount of weekly sex that a married couple have?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

The amount of sex that a couple has in a marriage will vary depending on factors such as age, years married, and so forth. With that in mind, most couples that I encounter have sex about once or twice per week. Also, it sounds like your husband and you need to talk about this issue on a different level. In general the majority of men naturally have higher levels of testosterone than women have, therefore, they tend to want to have sex more than women do. Your husband may be feeling that if you loved him you would have more sex with him and you may be feeling that if he loved you he would not pressure you to have more sex and that he would be happy that you have sex as much as you do. This is why I suggest talking about the above things with him and decide together on the type of compromise you both can make in order to make you both feel good. For example, women are emotional and it is easier for us to have sex with our husbands if we feel emotionally close and appreciated by them. Therefore, discuss ways that this can be achieved. This is just one example along the types of things you could both discuss to help to reach an acceptable compromise for both of you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
That sounds right to me. The thing is he does treat me good. He is very helpful around the house, with the kids and always compliments me. So he says he doesn't understand that if he is that way why it doesn't make me want to have sex more often. I just don't need or want it all the time. I do enjoy it and love hime very much. Is this normal>
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Yes your feelings are normal and remember his exact words "So he says he doesn't understand that if he is that way why it doesn't make me want to have sex more often" are exactly what I was referring to when I wrote: Your husband may be feeling that if you loved him you would have more sex with him. He is equating all of his good deeds and treatment towards you as actions which should make you want to have sex with him. That's why I suggested talking to him in the manner I described above so that the two of you can have a better understanding of each other and decide on compromises you both feel good about. For example, you want to be sure to tell him that you greatly appreciate how good he treats you and all of the things he does around the house, but your sex drive is not based solely upon that....and explain to him again where you are coming from along with the other points I mentioned previously such as testosterone levels and etc.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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