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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1699
Experience:  PHD LPC
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how do you (as a man) go over the bridge to an unhappily

Resolved Question:

how do you (as a man) go "over the bridge" to an unhappily married woman who has been friends for 30 years (I myself have been married for 20yrs but happy for maybe 7 or 8)? This woman and I share creative interests - theatre acting, writing, creative image making (she paints and I photograph but we work closely when it it e.g. a model shoot as she was model herself.? PS - We are both English, living in Holland, Europe. PLS use e-mail I do not have my mobile charged.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi and welcome,

If you are looking for a relationship you would be best served to do it the right way, and that is unmarried. If you two become involved and have an affair there are more people who will get hurt. If you believe that you are headed in this direction you owe it to your wife and family to do the right thing, as does she. You are playing with fire (you know that) and need to discuss what you both want to do and where this may be leading. It may just be the thrill of it all and in the long run you may find you are not suited to each other and then where will you be, to say nothing of the destruction of two families along the way.
Please click accept and leave feedback.

Edited by Dr. Keane on 7/7/2010 at 7:32 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am aware of the'playing with fire issue'; I am not after any other relationship at all. Of course I do not want to hurt people along the way but sometimes life just hurts awhile. You can line up all the young and older well-figured blondes all prepared to devote their life, time and bodies to me and I will not choose one of them, I'd rather the status quo. Or this particular very close friend. And it is not just about sex, theres many things much more important than that, and I haven't had sex for 12...15 years anyway. Please can you incorporate this into your thought upon the question?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, sounds like this may be "real" but I stick by doing it the right way. If you two agree that this is what you want then you have a decision that you need to make. If you haven't been intimate in a long time (and 12/15 yrs is a long time), you may find your wife may welcome her own freedom and want her own life too, one she deserves. You deserve to have happiness in your life and it may be you found it. I never got the impression it was just about sex, you truly sound as though this is a deeper connection and friendship. But an affair is an affair no matter how you present it, emotional or physical. You are emotionally connected to this woman and now you have to decide where you want it to go. You say you can keep things as is but is she willing to do the same. Yes, life does hurt at times but that is how we grow wiser and learn.
Please click accept and leave feedback.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
My wife doesnt want that freedom in fact she is frightened of me leaving and her being alone - this I have mentioned at during previous arguments. I cannot talk about this with anyone else as it is sort of a "closed community" being English people in a land outside, I am sure you know what I mean. In no way do I wish for this to become a "weekday motel" type of dirty set-up, but there are 2 important things: how do I detect if she may be interested the same way and (b) you sound like you are saying we have a sort of 'affair' already with our close working and little presents [like little jewellery she wears of mine]...do we have an 'affair'? I know this is complex; I have increased the fee i'm willing to pay...
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, I have to go offline for a couple of hours, I will get back to you asap.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Okay with you going offline a couple hours; for your info it is now 23:16 pm so could you email me later (say in 6 or 7 hours or when you start if later) with the question URL when you start please otherwise I will lose the contact with you and the question etc.

Thank you so far anyway -- Trevor Gale, 55 yrs old, she's 59 coming up 60 but looks (not just to me) about 46...50.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, When you become emotionally attached to someone and hold hands, take walks reminisce about old days you are having what some would call an "emotional" affair. This type of relationship can be as dangerous as any physical affair. So if you are asking if this is an affair I would say yes although you may not recognize it as such. She is interested even if she hasn't said so, if you want to know you can ask. It's as simple as that but remember that actions speak louder than words and your actions together lead one to believe she is very interested.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1699
Experience: PHD LPC
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