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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I am in an unfullfilling relationship with another woman. I

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I am in an unfullfilling relationship with another woman. I have been with her exclusively for six years. The past three and a half years have been a struggle for me because it has been a sexless relationship since then. The only way we have sex is if I get so depressed and angry that I want to end the relationship then she steps up and acts interested. I went through a period that I was so angry that I did not want to be near her because it angered me so badly. I am very unhappy and cannot seem to move on with my life because for one reason or another she makes me stay with her. I have not worked in over a year and my unemployment is about to run out. I have no desire to even go get a job. I tell her how rejected I feel and it doesn't seem to phase her. Please tell me what I need to do to resolve this issue or get out because I hate myself for allowing myself to continue on like this.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this difficult time you are having. I suggest you sit down and talk to her when the two of you will not be disturbed. Discuss with her your feelings that you shared with me and be sure that she understands the reason you are having this very serious conversation is because you are very unhappy and need to know whether or not she still wants to be in this relationship with you. If she still wants to be in the relationship with you, discuss what you each want to get out of this relationship and whether it is possible to do what is necessary to satisfy each of you. Discuss what compromises you both can make together in order to satisfy both of your needs. For example, you desire to have a sex life, therefore is she willing to have more sex with you out of loving you and not out of using it as a last attempt to keep you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have discussed this with her and she doesn't listen to me or my feelings. She says she loves me and wants to stay in the relationship, but I am so beat down by the rejection and she feels like she can just do a quick fix and that is no longer working. I find myself very distressed and she ignores my feelings. I'm beginning to think that the only ones that matter is hers. How can I make her realize how badly she is breaking my heart with her rejections? I feel I have been very patient for many years.
You could try asking her to go to counseling with you, but based on what you have written, I don't think she would be willing to, however, you should still ask. In lieu of this, since the discussions with her are not working and she continually disregards XXXXX XXXXX feelings especially your hurt, I suggest considering taking some time apart from her to see if she gets a wake up call and to protect yourself. I know that it would not be easy to break up with her, but based on what you have written, since she is unwilling to change and you can't change her behavior, you need to take care of your mental and emotional well being by separating for her.
Angela and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much Angela. I have asked her to go to counseling with me in the past but she has always declined. I am making arrangements to move away from her because I do realize that I cannot change her feelings towards me no matter how hard I have tried in the past. I discussed this with her and from her reaction to me leaving and the rejection she makes me feel I have come to realize that it is a good decision for me to move on and try to repair my emotions. I have one more question though, is it typical of her to make me feel like it is all my fault although I know I have tried my best to make this work in both our favors?
Yes this is typical behavior from her (-and people like her) who choose not to work on their relationship and who choose to do a last minute thing to try and save the relationship, such as her having sex with you, but yet she doesn't actually work on the relationship itself. Additionally, this is why she tries to make you feel that it is your fault because she does not want to be accountable or responsible for doing any work in the relationship and it's easy for her to be in denial by blaming you for everything.

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