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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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I have recently admitted to my husband that I had an affair.

Customer Question

I have recently admitted to my husband that I had an affair. the affair is over and has been for some months now. How do I save my marriage and build my husband's trust in me again?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but glad to hear you're in counseling to explore what's healthy for you and your relationship. I think the next step would be to ask your counselor for a referral to a couples counselor.

Couples counseling is a safe place for couples to share feelings and work toward common goals under the guidance of a professional. The counselor would facilitate the communication, offer an objective perspective, and share ideas for how other couples have been able to work through situations such as these and rebuild trust with one another. I'd advise against using the counselor you've been seeing individually since this may make your husband feel slightly less comfortable (he may think "It's YOUR counselor", so he may not be as open as he would with "OUR counselor.")

You're moving in the right direction for saving your marriage by simply ending the affair and being honest with your husband. It will take time and effort to build his trust once again and even he might not be able to tell you exactly what he needs at this point in order to do that. Continue to rely on open, honest communication with one another to check in about how you're both feeling and what you need. See if he's open to working with a counselor to build the foundation of trust that may be damaged. I wish you the best of luck!
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
I'm sorry you're not satisfied with the answer I provided... Perhaps I misunderstood what it is you're looking for. Do you have a more specific question?

Or if you'd like, I'd be happy to "opt out" so that another expert may provide guidance in this matter.

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