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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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This might come across the wrong way, but I find few people

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This might come across the wrong way, but I find few people (women included) that I really enjoy being with. Also, I am a Christian and, though I have healthy sexual desires, I don't like the pressures that come with dating. Let's summarize just a few of many problems I have: 1) I don't want to feel like I'm "not a man"; 2) I don't want to have sex just to gratify my physical desire because I think it's supposed to be about love; 3) I don't want to hurt the woman by pretending I really like her just to have sex (lots of men are like this); 4) to repeat, I am a Christian so I don't want to sin against God. Unfortunately, I've found lots of worldly attitudes about dating even in churches, or scary women who immediately bring up the topic of marriage. Are there any other guys like me, or do you think I'm just making this up? Bonus if you can give me some helpful advice.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

You are not the only one experiencing this. Online dating services may not be the best place to start (some of the individuals on those seek either a long term commitment/marriage or just to date/sexual intimacy w/o any strings attached)

 

No one regardless of their physical appearance should treat another person as a loser. That again is the wrong crowd to be with.

 

Being a foreigner myself, don't assume that foreign women are 100% different. Everyone has something that they need and want from a partner. Figuring out what is it that person wants/needs may help you in your search. Of course, if you have not tried dating/connecting with foreign women, you ought to give yourself a chance.

 

The feeling of not being a man (is not something that should be externally caused) No one should make you feel anything. It comes from inside. Perhaps it is your disappointment and the time it is taking to find someone that is causing this (and it has nothing to do with your masculinity)

 

Some men and women (do not want to just gratify their sexual needs. They are seeking a purpose and a passion in their life)

 

Suggestions- do not rely too much on dating websites or church singles dating services. You may want to look into actual dating services offered in your area (a place where you go to and are screened/profiled and evaluated for possible matches) If you have interests such as sports, collecting/hobbies, going to lectures, etc. try to connect with women at those functions.

 

Try to be open and non judgmental (each person has flaws) be patient and focus on the positive possibilities. Do not try to impress someone too hard. Just be yourself.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for the answer. The not feeling like a man part is more about the way that people inwardly question why a man these days doesn't go for sex when he can - does he need viagra; is he gay; or women may think I am not sexually attracted. Why should I have to explain, because it's casual, uncommitted sex that isn't normal. Our species didn't get where we are by not having children & taking responsibility for them. If you are saying I shouldn't care what others think, well, I guess I am only human. I care, but at the same time I don't care. That is kind of a problem actually. Do you have any advice on how to give a hoot (vulgarity deleted) about life and relationships when there is also a sense of apathy?

One bit of advice for you, if I may... "Just be yourself" is not good advice for men, in my opinion. I'm not saying men should be phonies, but every woman is looking for a man who will go out of his way for her. For instance, take someone wanting to be an actor. It's not enough to feel the feelings if the audience doesn't sense that you feel them. The same is true for women except that women generally find it easier to express themselves. Also, you may disagree, but many women want to be lied to in some instances. Men often find themselves walking on eggshells, or like we are in a maze. That is where "just be yourself" will catch us lost, or with egg on our face. If only it were so simple!!!!!!
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

You would not have to explain anything to those sort of people. It shows you where their priorities are. You are human yes. You can care what others think to an extent.

 

About being yourself comment- what if the women after some time realizes that you are more than what is on the surface. Women want someone they can trust. If they can not trust the person, then that creates a problem (you won't find someone for a long term committed relationship. Maybe someone superficial. It did not seem that is what you wanted. I think that being genuine is a goo thing. You can still impress a person by being yourself. They are after all falling in love with you- the individual. Every reasonable woman should have reasonable expectations of others including men. Nothing is simple in life. People make it more complicated.

 

Please clarify - what do you mean a sense of apathy in a relationship? From one or both partners and at what stage in the relationship.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
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Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.