Thank you so much for your answer. I have talked to my wife about priorities before and she ranks her family at the top pf her list. One of the issues is that she basically does what her father thinks is right. Her father thinks that work is important and she must do whatever she has to do to get ahead.
One example I can give you is something that happened to me back in December. I became ill on the subway going home from work. When I got home the first thing I did was to call my wife and let her know what happened. Instead of rushing home to see what happened with me, she did not come home until 9 pm. I was absolutely devastated. This is not how I am or how I was raised. I would of dropped whatever I was doing and rushed home to be with her.
This is just something that is terribly bothering me and she makes me feel guilty about it everytime I bring it up. She even went as far as telling me that I am jelous of her job.
What do I do?
Like I told you before. My wife's job is creating a problem within our family. Everything else is great. I love her with all my heart. Her job is ruining everything. I dont want her to travel. I feel very strongly about it. I had closed my eyes on it before because it was once in a blue moon but now it becoming an every couple of weeks thing. Now there will be International travel as well. I really cannot deal with it. She says that I am selfish but I dont think so. Even if I am, if something happened to her during her travels I would not be able to live with myself.
She says that I do not want her to suceed, but that is not true. All I want for her to do is to look for a job were she can be happy and we as a family can be happy.
I know that it cant be 100% my way but it also cant be 100% her way either. She refuses to speak to her boss in regards XXXXX XXXXX traviling and calling in to the meeting like other people do when she can. She does not want to change jobs because she thinks that she is respected at her current job and wont be respected at her new job.
Thank you so much.
The last time we spoke, I gave her 3 choices.
Choice #1 - Speak with her boss and let her know that she cannot travel on business. Tell her that she would do anything possible including calling in for the meetings like other people do.
Choice #2 - Find another job that does not require travel.
Choice #3 - Consider divorce since I cannot and will not deal with this anymore. I have compromised enough. Its her turn.
She picked choice number #4 which was not even on the plate - Quit her job altogether.
So instead of working something out with her manager or looking for another job, her solution to all this is to quit her job alltogether.
I have asked her about couples counseling but she had insisted that it is me who needs to see a counselor.
We had a serious talk when she got home last night. At first she was very defensive and when I told her that its either that or divorce she was basically like ok, divorce than divorce. But I guess as she thought about it more and as we spoke more, she started singing a different tune. She had said that she will update her resume so we can look for another job although she still feels that at 31 years old its too late to start a new job. She is also now talking about going back to school, something that I have been talking about for years. She has a Bachelors of Science in Biology and Mathematics and I think there can be a much brighter future for her than to be doing paperwork all day. I think a successful marriage must have understanding and sacrifice. I have understood her for almost 10 years and now its her turn to understand where I am coming from. Do you agree?
Well, another day, another change of everything. We had another talk last night that started with me asking her if she had updated her resume. Basically, she says she loves me and she loves her family but she is not ready to make the change. In her words, if she goes to another job and is unhappy there, she would blame me and she does not want that. Its the same reason with school and not working all together because we need the extra income.
This is absolutely devastating to me. The way this is working out is me making all the changes in how I feel and taking it as it is. She will continue to work and do what she has been doing. Sure we can go to counseling but in reality unless she realizes herself how difficult and devastating this is on me, she will not change. I guess I will have to live with it. Its basically a take it or leave it situation. I know that I may not be right in some ares of this discussion but this is how she taught me to feel about her job. I try to explain it to her but her answer is always that I am doing it to myself.
What do I do now?