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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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my boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. He aviods

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my boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. He aviods sex and any type of intimacy. I have no idea what to do. He tells me he wants the relationship but every time I bring up intimacy he brushes me off and also makes sure our dates are always in public.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, a couple of possibilities come to mind. 1. There could be some issue with him which causes him to be afraid to be intimate with you and which causes him to be unavailable to you in this area. 2. He could be gay. I would suggest talking to him about this once again in this manner. Schedule a time when the two of you can be alone and will not be disturbed, for example go to the park for a walk or for a picnic. During this time talk to him about your relationship. Ask him what is it that he wants out of your relationship and discuss it. Also, tell him what you want out of your relationship and discuss it. After you have both shared what you each want from your relationship then both of you should discuss together what direction your relationship will take from that point forward, for example: will you stay together? Will he get counseling? etc.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I have tried to schedule alone time but he tries harder to avoid this. We are always going someplace. I have suggested putting some food on the grill at his place and his usual statement is that is too much work, we should just go out.

Since he is trying to avoid the alone time, then agree to go out with him and have the conversation there. It is important to have the conversation because afterwards hopefully you will know what direction to take with your relationship. Also, he may sense that this conversation is coming and try even harder to avoid it, however, don't let him. You deserve to know what it is he wants from this relationship and vice versa for him and to take action accordingly. It takes two to make a relationship work and if he refuses to do his part he needs to be honest with you and tell you.
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