How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Angela Your Own Question

Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Angela is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My partner (49) reverts to using a baby voice sometimes. She

Resolved Question:

My partner (49) reverts to using a baby voice sometimes. She says because she was robbed of her childhood, being brutally raped and sodomized at age 11. There are some times where it is so annoying to me, such as when we are talking about family planning, conceiving, giving birth, etc. I find that hard to deal with, since I want to have a partner, a grown up, to discuss and to do this with, not a child. She then feels like i dont understand, im not open to her needs, and that its (reverting back) something she needs and feels comfortable enough with me to do so I should just deal with it. We fought/talked about it, and now she says that fine she just wont do it at all, because how is she supossed to know or have to guess when its appropriate. Where as I personally think its obvious when its appropriate or not, such as when we are discussing bringing a child into this world.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Evening,

 

Her behavior is a defense mechanism (when she is not wanting to deal with adult issues that she is finding stressful and anxiety provoking) Regressing to that level can also be a way of diverting the attention from the topic and placing it onto herself.

 

Perhaps she is not ready (really interested in having a child or feels overwhelmed by the idea especially if she herself feels that she was "robbed of her childhood." Taking care of a child will completely wipe out all fantasies of making up for her lost childhood. Of course, even though irrational, to her these fantasies are real. She may believe that there are things that she always wanted to do that she may not once there is a child to take care of. Also, she may feel that she will have to share your attention with the child.

 

She does know when it is appropriate not to use that baby voice/talking and she is most likely using it for a purpose since behavior is purposeful (even when it seems unhealthy or uncalled for)

 

Since you've shared that she had been abused, hopefully she had gotten some help for this (if not, it is never late. After all, she would certainly want some normalcy in her life at this point)

 

Perhaps you would want to try to ignore her behavior when it starts (instead of being rational with her or fighting) You have already told her how you feel and she is ignoring it. Let her know that you will talk to her when she is ready and see if she responds to that approach. You will be trying to extinguish the behavior by not feeding into it. When you engage her in it by trying to reason with her, that in itself changes the topic and she still wins.

 



Edited by Dr Rossi on 6/13/2010 at 1:23 AM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Would like to more of how to deal with it, we know why she does it, and its not a problem all the time, we all talk funny sometimes, at least in our family and friends, its fun and we enjoy it, but there are certain times when i think its inappropriate and i cant deal with it, but she feels like she shouldnt have to supress that, and how is she meant to know what is 'appropriate' or not.
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It is not uncommon for childhood victims of sexual abuse to be in touch with their inner child as an adult especially since the abuse diminished her having a childhood. Due to the trauma of her abuse she has allowed her inner child to come out whenever she wants because her inner child needs healing instead of setting limits for her inner child. The way to deal with her inner child coming out at times when she should not is to sit down with your partner and explain to her that she needs to set boundaries for when her inner child does and does not come out; in essence she needs to parent her inner child in this respect. Once she understands this she will be able to understand that you are not asking her to repress her inner child, but you are asking her to set healthy boundaries for when her inner child does and does not come out. The example you mentioned about discussing having a child and then her inner child came out; you can share with her that it is not appropriate for her inner child to come out during this type of discussion because it is an adult conversation which requires adult decisions. Therefore, the boundary that she would set for her inner child in this scenario is not to come out during this adult conversation. Also, an article to further explain healing the inner child can be found by clicking here.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
excellent response, very helpful. We are both very pleased with the answer, as we both we're saying the same things from our perspective sides, but helpful to have a third person word it in a way we both understand. Also, thanks for the extra resources, we are going to both try to heal our inner child and work together. thanks so much
amber
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency