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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I just moved to Alaska to be near my boyfriend two weeks ago.

Resolved Question:

I just moved to Alaska to be near my boyfriend two weeks ago. Things with us are rocky at best right now. He keeps breaking promises and putting himself in situations I'm not comfortable with, he says he loves me but half the time the choices he makes is some form of lashing out at me. Tonight he was suppose to go camping but his buddy cancelled on him, so he decided to go out with another buddy to go to clubs and bars, I'm sick and can't go out but it's something he promised before I moved up here that he wouldn't do unless I went with him. He doesn't drink but I really see no point in going to those places without your significant other. He feels that he can break that promise cause earlier today I told him that I needed some time to think, that pissed him off so he wasn't going to tell me he didn't go camping.

I told him that if he broke this promise that we were over. After I left crying he sent two texts "hope you have a good life" "hope you find your true love" what to do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this difficult time you are having. Your problems with you boyfriend are fixable if he is willing to do his part in your relationship. Clearly he has been extremely selfish and insensitive to you. You have obviously given him 100% and he has only given you 30% in this relationship. Therefore, I suggest you talk to him once more in this manner. Schedule a time when the two of you can talk and will not be disturbed (for example, go to the park for a picnic or for a long walk). During this time with him tell him how much you care for him and that you need to talk to him about the current status of your relationship. Share with him how all of his behaviors have made you feel especially since you made such a huge move to be with him. Then ask him what it is that he wants out of your relationship and discuss it. Also, tell him what you want out of this relationship and discuss it. During your talk, you also need to set boundaries with him so that he knows upfront your limits. For example, he broke his word to you about going out alone to the bar and selfishly chose to go even though you were sick. Address this issue and set a boundary so that if it happens again you will act on it. For example, if he does it again, will you leave him? Will you move out? Will you not be intimate with him ? etc. The only way to give him a wake up call is by discussing the above things and then setting boundaries that you will act on when he is not being accountable for his actions.
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