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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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My ex fiance and I officially broke up last May, 2009. However,

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My ex fiance and I officially broke up last May, 2009. However, we were still seeing each other and talking everyday, and still being intimate. He wanted to see "how things go". This past December, he met another woman and has been with her since January. I still believe he has feelings for me, but has buried them since being distracted by this woman. I've written letters and sent texts, and he rarely responded to them. We used to be so close, I can't believe he has done this to me. I should say that he and my ex husband had a physical fight last year, and everything went downhill from there, because I wouldn't cooperate with pressing charges against my ex hubby. I think my fiance felt betrayed by me, but I just couldn't help him do that, as I have children with my ex hubby. My ex fiance says hello to me when he sees me (we live very near each other), but thats about it. I can't stop thinking about what went wrong, and if he loves this new girl, or is using her to forget me. Help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, the best thing to do is to sit down and have a honest conversation with your ex. Schedule to meet with him so that you both can talk, for example: meet him for a cup of coffee or for lunch. During this time share with him how you feel for him and tell him that you want to discuss how the two of you were so close and have grown apart and discuss it with him. As you talk to him pay attention to his responses to what you share with him and let his responses guide you as far as what you share with him or ask him next. For example, if his response is positive when you share with him how you still care about him then ask him how he feels about you? Ask him is he officially dating the other woman? However, be sure to casually ask your questions throughout your conversation and not to ask question after question right after each other. Casually work your questions into your conversation with him this way he won't feel as if he is being interrogated. This is also why I wrote to let his responses guide you in terms of what you say to him next. Hopefully, at the end of your conversation you will have the answers that you desire from him.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Angela,

In response to your answer, I have to tell you that he will not see me. He has since changed his cell and home numbers, and is seriously involved with this woman. She comes from a very successful family, and has money. While I am not poor, I dont have nearly as much as she, so I am wondering if this is what he is attracted to her about. Its a complicated situation. I was married, have children. He has never been married, and has no children. She has never been married, and has no children. I just think he really didn't understand what he was getting himself into by being in a relationship with me, who has so many entanglements, and wanted to see what a relationship with no complications was all about. I know he still has feelings for me, I see it in his eyes and in his body language. How could he hold me and tell me he loves me, then two weeks later, start talking to another woman? Why do you think he has done this? I can't move on, I have no closure. I've tried talking to him, I've tried writing letters, and explaining how I feel about him. He doesn't give me anything to go on. Do I let him go and see what happens? Its so hard because he really did love me, I know he did. Why do you think he is with her?

Expert:  Angela replied 3 years ago.
I understand your situation better and I am sorry that he will not talk to you. If he really loved you then his feelings would not change so quickly, especially not in 2 weeks, however, he could be repressing them which could be why he began dating this other woman. He also could have wanted a relationship that is not complicated, but the reality is all relationships are complicated on one level or the other and they take work to succeed. I think the best thing to do now is to let him go because he is intentionally choosing not to respond to you. Also, I think you should begin the healing process on your end. Healing a broken heart takes time and the below steps will help your broken heart heal.

1. Get a positive support system in place for yourself which includes loved ones and friends you can trust and share this extremely painful experience with and who will also help you through it.

2. You are dealing with various normal emotions due to being separated from someone you were once so close to, therefore, if possible, I recommend going to see a therapist, counselor, etc., in person on a weekly basis to help you deal with this (-especially any guilt, hurt, confusion, frustration, anger, etc. that you may naturally feel). If you are religious, your place of worship may have free counseling available (-many churches have free counseling).

3. Write down how you feel in a journal. Then close out each writing session by meditating: close your eyes, breathe in deeply and exhale. At the same time think of something peaceful. For example: a bright blue ocean with deep rich blue waves gently whispering against the beach. Meditating will help you through this difficult time and it will also help you to heal. It will take some time, but you will get through this very painful and difficult time.

4. A book I recommended to my clients dealing with the same situation, which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here:
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but slowly and surely you will be able to overcome this.

Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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