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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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my problem i think is with myself and i would like some help

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my problem i think is with myself and i would like some help in changing my attitude and to enable me to think positive and not dwell on the past.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half yrs we moved in together 1 yr ago. he moved into my house. I have a 13 yr old girl and he has a 11 yr old girl who is everything to him and i mean everyting & this is how it should be, she is very pleasant with lovley manners, she comes for tea on mon and stays fri night till sat tea. when she is here i become invisible, they sit on the setee and cuddle we have to sit and watch her films, if we go out they hold hands and walk about 10 ft infront of us. i am starting to dred her coming i start to feel anxious and think of how i have felt in the past when she has been here, this puts me in a negative mood and when she gets here i am so stressed that i cause bad feeling immediately. we go away in august for 2 wks and i really think its going to be awful. he gets vry angry when i mentiion how i fee

Good Morning,

 

Since your daughter is closer in age to her, try to set some activities for the two of them (that will occupy their time)

 

You just feel that he is giving her more attention when she is there. That is understandable, yet, harmful to you and the relationship. She is a child and he had explained that he does not see her as much. Daughters and fathers need to bond. She is lucky to have a dad like that. Many kids never establish a good relationship with their fathers and you would not want to seem like someone who is preventing them from sharing some quality time.

 

On the other hand, you can let him know that you are ok with her visiting but that you also would like to do things with him. If she is only there for a short weekend, then you can try to be flexible (after all, you and him have the rest of the week with each other)

 

Try to do some things just you and the girls (take them shopping, to the movies, etc) for a few hours. She may learn to try and give attention to you and your daughter which in return will open some space for you and him.

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