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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Last year we went out

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Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Last year we went out and ran into my sisters ex-boyfriend whos a good friend and hung out with him for the night. My boyfriend and I ended up arguing so my sisters ex had him kicked out of the place we were at. I drunk and don't really remember the situtaion but I know I didn't do anything about it and let them kick my boyfriend out without saying anything. Now my boyfriend hates the guy, does not allow me to speak to him, and wants nothing to do with him. Well my sister and the guy are dating again and my boyfriend refuses to be around him. He won't go to my parents house if he is there or anywhere he will be. I feel like I have to seperate my family life from our relationship since that guy is coming around to be with my sister. I know its my fault but I tell my boyfriend if he cared about me he would be around him for me but he says if I cared about him I wouldn't make him be around someone he doesn't like. Who is right and what can we do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Evening,

 

He is right. He was insulted and the other person did not seek to remedy the situation. On top of it, he may feel outnumbered by you and your sister and her boyfriend. So, he only has you to turn to.

 

Perhaps try to see if your sister's boyfriend can apologize and face the situation man to man. What had happened is in the past. Why ruin the present and the future?

 

You can not solve this for them. They have to find a way to do it. You could mediate it somehow with your sister's help.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
My sisters boyfriend already told me he wants to apologize but when i told my boyfriend he said he wouldnt accept his apology. Ive told him its in the past and we should move on so we can be happy but he refuses. He says i have to deal with it because its my fault. There is history in which I cheated on him with my ex. My sisters boyfriend was my exs good friend so it makes him oppose it even more. But i think just because they were good friends doesnt mean he has to take it out on my sisters boyfriend. I dont speak to this person anymore and my sisters boyfriend has never tried to get us back together. He knows hes a bad guy for me and we also became good friends for 4 yrs. I told my boyfriend he doesnt have to worry about my sisters boyfriend doing anything that he was just looking out for me but he says im taking his side. Im not. I know hes still hurt from the cheating but when i came clean about it he told me he would not punish me for it and we could move on and start new because i told him the truth. i said we should only get back together if that was the case and he wouldnt punish me. But he still torments me over it. I know it was my mistake but i just want to move on from the subject and be happy. i mean he has done things and if i decided to stay then its my choice to forgive him. why cant he do the same and move on and let us be happy? why must he punish me and my sisters boyfriend? i dont want him to be friends with the guy i only want him to be a part of my life as a whole without conditions and move on from the whole situation.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Why can he do the same is a question with many possible answers- male pride, stubbornness, feeling that he is right and you are wrong, not wanting to seem that he is giving in, a level of immaturity, etc.

 

You are right- you can not live in the past. He is holding the relationship there for his own reasons. Try to let him see that relationships go through many changes in order to grow. No one is perfect including you or him. If he is so inflexible, you would have to wonder how the two of you can make things work out if another situation comes along. Let him know that you have to be able to rely on him and that trust issues are mutual.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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