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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Why NO talk of marriage!

Resolved Question:

I'm a 52 year old woman who's been dating a 56 year old man for over a year now. We had known each other and had a great rapport several years prior to dating. We have a wonderful relationship, get along beautifully, have great respect for each other and share a deep affection for one another. We want to be together all the time. He tells me he loves me several times a day, brings me flowers, takes me out, fixes things for me and says I treat him better than any woman ever has. He takes me to family visits and told his mother he finally has a good woman. Yet, in spite of all this, he never brings up the subject of marriage. We have both been divorced for 10 yrs. and before we started dating, he casually mentioned he hoped to marry again... so why are we going on and on in this wonderful relationship at our age with NO talk of marriage? He's the type guy who'd want to be the one to bring it up, so how do I make that happen without seeming like I'm chasing him? This is very troubling.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It sounds like your relationship is going on and on without any talk of marriage because he is completely happy with the current status of your relationship and knows that he has a really good woman (-especially for him to tell this to his mother is significant). Since he only casually mentioned getting married again before you started dating, I think you should sit down with him and ask him what are his feelings about marriage? You have been dating him for over a year now so you are entitled to discuss the subject with him, just be sure that he understands that you just want to know how he honestly feels about marriage and that you are not asking him to marry you or putting pressure on him to do so. You simply just want to know how he feels about it, for example, does he think that one day he will want to get married again? Does he feel that he would not like to get married again?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Dear XXXXX,

 

Thank you for this excellent advice. . . you are correct, of course. However, if I do this, the best thing that would happen would be we get married, but I would always feel less valued since I was the one who had to bring up the "M" word. And the worst thing that could happen would be he would, indeed, value me less because I brought it up. Is there some other way to get him into the "marriage mode" so that he thinks he came up with the idea on his own?

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
I completely understand your concern and yes there is another way. You could indirectly bring up the topic by discussing someone you know or that he may know who recently got engaged or married. If you don't know of anyone you could say this about you could also try discussing recent celebrities who just got engaged or married. Whether talking about an everyday common person or a celebrity, ask him what he thinks about their engagement or marriage and discuss it in this manner. In doing so, you would have indirectly have brought up the topic of marriage and then he could respond then or at a later time with discussing how he feels about your relationship and marriage. Also, just in case you decide to use the celebrity engagement idea, here's a link that you can click on for recent engagements (- I especially like Valerie Bertinelli's engagement), click here.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks so much, Angela. . . that is a great idea - and he likes Valerie Bertinelli! You are wonderful and I appreciate your help!!!

 

Jennifer

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Your welcome! Thank you for allowing me to share with you and thank you for my bonus.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You are more than welcome!

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