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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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My man and I broke up suddenly 6 months ago - things were going

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My man and I broke up suddenly 6 months ago - things were going GREAT and then out of the blue, the week before Christmas, he ended us. (I had a hard time letting him go and made it clear I didn't want the relationship to end). He kind of kept me dangling by answering emails, etc., but never committing to anything. He hasn't dated anyone since (that I know of!) Before me, he hadn't dated in 2 years. He is very attractive, successful and intelligent. He said he is complete and doesn't need to be in a relationship.

He responds (hesitantly) to my emails, says he'd like to go have a drink, but never initiates. I asked him why he was so afraid to see me - is it his feelings or mine he is worried about? He won't answer. I've asked him if he would prefer I never contact him again. He writes back, but avoids answering the question. What do you think is his problem?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It honestly sounds as if he wants a friends with benefits relationship with you; meaning he would like to see you on his terms and perhaps even be intimate with you, however, he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. This could explain his behavior towards you, therefore, you could sit down with him and discuss this with him or you could decide if this is the type of relationship you want to have with him and then take it from there.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Angela,

Thanks for the reply. I agree a lot with what you say....it seems as though he doesn't really want me, but he wants to make sure he can still have me. I just want a chance to speak with him. I might actually go for the friends with benefits - I have been divorced 4 years and have been in relationship after relationship. I want to not have a committment right now. I'd love to tell him this but there is one problem.....He never responds when I invite him out. He'll write back, but will avoid the invitation.

 

He is also a very successful DJ on a popular local radio station. There are times he'll say something that I just know is directed at me, and then he'll follow it with a song. Last week he play Black Horse Cherry Tree. The lyrics are so confusing. If you have a chance, google them and let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your perspective.

 

THanks for taking the time - my friends are so tired of listening to me!!!

 

 

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
I am familiar with the lyrics for that song, it was very popular when it first came out. I still think that inspite of what he says whether through the lyrics of a song or to you directly, that his behavior shows that he wants to have the friends with benefits relationship. I think it would be good to sit down and discuss this with him and then decide how you will interact with him from that point on.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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