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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Please help. My fiancee and I have been together for 13 years.

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Please help. My fiancee and I have been together for 13 years. He had 3 affairs which I just found out about in November. Trying to deal with the shock and the pain of that has been awful but I wanted to work on our relationship. We have been working on it for 7 months which has been a work in progress. He had figured out that he wanted a very open and honest relationship to get that special connection. He had gone away to school from mid January to May 1 so the last 4 months has been by phone. I have faultered a couple times in not discussing things with him before doing it. He has now broken up with me saying we didn't get that connection over the phone. I told him I had been looking forward to him coming home to really work on this. Please help me make him realize he needs to give this a little more time now that he's home. I don't believe you can just get that connection by phone. I involves more than talking. Or should we have that special connection he's talking about by now?
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, it sounds as if your fiance is the one who does not have the connection and not you. You truly love him and have stayed with him in spite of the intense pain he has caused you by having 3 affairs, however, it sounds as if he no longer wants to be in this relationship in spite of your extreme kindness, love, and forgiveness towards him. He is the one who is not on the same page, you have been right there through all of his affairs unconditionally loving him. Please understand, based upon what you have written, he has not given 100% to this relationship as you have. You deserve to have a partner who loves, values, and respects you and it does not sound like he has been doing this. Especially, since you think that you need to do something more when it is actually him who needs to be on the same page as you and to do all that he can do to repair the damage he has caused. He needs to realize and be accountable for the intense emotional and mental pain he has put you through, especially by having 3 affairs while he was with you. After all that he has put you through he does not want to work on your relationship, therefore, with all due respect, I think you should move on. Without a question you deserve far better than what he has done to you and once you move on, the door will be open for the right partner to come along and treat you with love, respect, dignity, and honor.
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