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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Hi Angela, Im a 21 year old male, in a relationship of 2 months

Customer Question

Hi Angela, I'm a 21 year old male, in a relationship of 2 months so far. My girlfriend and I have been very sexually and emotionally intimate, but have not had sex yet. She has made it clear to me that she wants to hear me say that i 'Love her' before we have sex, because she doesn't want to feel vulnerable. I cannot say that i love her at this stage, even though we have a deep, mutual connection (We've only known each other 2 months!). In fact i find it difficult to express the way i feel about her when we are being intimate. And i feel as though i can't express my true feelings to her without having sex. How can i get her to trust me and want to have sex (In a non shallow way), without saying i love her?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, it sounds as if more time is needed in order for her to be able to trust you even more and be comfortable enough to have sex with you. Please realize, from what you have shared, she does trust you, however, 2 months is not a long time for either of you to know each other long enough for her to feel comfortable enough to have sex with you. Also, although she knows you are nothing like her ex, she still has baggage from the pain and hurt that he put her through which is affecting your relationship together. However, as she continues to get to know you better, she will eventually be able to fully appreciate and enjoy your relationship together without having her past negatively impact it. Continue to be honest with her just as you have been doing and to honestly tell her how you feel about her. However, never tell her I love you unless you actually do love her and if she gets upset about this explain to her that you care too much about her to just say I love you when you don't yet feel that way but you do care very deeply for her. Again, given more time, I think your relationship will be just fine.

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