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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My girlfriend of one year and three months recently told me

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My girlfriend of one year and three months recently told me that her parents want to get her and I an apartment. I was completely shocked and told her I am not ready for that big step yet. She has since then told me she doesn't think this is going to work out because I move to slow and don't care enough about her. I have told her that I love her and care so much about her and want to be with her. She says she doesn't understand any of that because I don't even want to move in together yet.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

Yes, it may be a bit too soon after a year and few months to make a big move. All depends on yours and her goals for the relationship and your comfort level.

She may have been influenced by her parents and told to go ahead with this change. If you know her parents, you may want to have a dinner with them and your girlfriend and kind of discretely bring this issue up.

 

Some things to focus on would be your short term goals and those of your girlfriend. You may want to have a discussion with her as to where she sees the relationship going in the next 2 years, 5 years and where the two of you see yourself professionally and otherwise in life. If there are discrepancies, you would want to work on those issues (couple's counseling, self help, etc)

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes, her dad has said that since I don't want to move in with her right away then that means I don't have the same feelings for her that she has for me. Before I told her I didn't want to move in yet we had talked about our goals our relationship but now all she tells me is she just hopes we can make it to next week. Also I don't know what to think about how she is always accusing me of doing something with someone else or even talking to someone else. I let her look at my phone whenever she wants and I have even showed her the phone bill records. I pretty much gave up all of my female friends because she doesn't want me talking to any female but most of her friends are males which she says is okay because they have girlfriends.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
It sounds that she is possessive and that she listens to her father. She would have to make her own choices. Stifling someone is never a good idea and it seems that she and her family are trying to rush things. Never a good idea to rush into anything.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes they do seem to try and rush things because thats what her family has done. She has told me how her parents moved in together only after three months of dating and it was mainly because her mom cheated on her dad and he wanted her where he knew where she was all the time. Her brother moved in with his girlfriend after only two months of dating and drives 45 minutes to work everyday and she asks me why is it that they can all do that but then I can see the reason to move in.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.
You can see the reason from their point of view. If at all you do not feel ready or comfortable then you should take your time. Why the rush? Moving in with someone does not guarantee a life long relationship.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yeah thats what I feel but it seems no matter how I explain it she doesn't understand my reason. I also have a new question. I am not sure what to do or feel because around our one year, she is a seinor in high school and I am a sophmore in college, I trusted her to go to one of her school dances. She then told me later that night that she had danced with her ex-boyfriend and he kissed her on the forehead. I some how stayed with her and final got over that and then just last night she told me that when he walked her to her car they kissed. She then told me its what I get for not wanting to move in with her. She then said that someone she use to "talk" to who is older than me hung out at a basball game within a couple of months of use dating. She said its not a big deal because we were not that serious yet. But she has gotten pissed at me for talking to someone that hooked us up until we started dating.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

There should be no confusion as to "what to think"

She is trying both options and is doing what works for her. Both of you are too young to move it (especially when this sort of things are happening)

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
That's what I have told her that we are to young. I am just lost on what to do or say to her now because almost everything she has accused me of she has done while with me. She is my first real relationship and the first one I have ever felt these feelings for but now it is just hard to try and keep a conversation going because it always ends up with her saying a one word answer. There is a part of me that is scared that it is coming to an end which is what I don't want to happen, but then there is a small part of me that is just tired of the arguments and thinks it might be better with out her. Everything gets evened out when we have those amazing days and never want to leave, but then its times like this where I can even get her to reassure me about how much she cares for me.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Actions speak louder than words. You will have to take care of yourself as well. No one likes mind games.

 

I would be available to answer further questions upon acceptance of prior feedback since its generally one question and answer site. Thank you.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
826 Satisfied Customers
Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.