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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Ive been with the same man for 4 years now, and he still doesnt

Customer Question

I've been with the same man for 4 years now, and he still doesn't want to move in together. We currently live 45 minutes from each other and only see each other on the weekends, and ocassionally on the weekdays. We talk on the phone every night and he tells me he misses me and wishes we were together, which frustrates me to no end because if he really felt that way then we'd already be together. I've tried talking to him about our future and what he wants, but he is very cryptic and just says he wants to be with me. I'm not sure if I should just give him an ultimatum or just drop the subject. It's really important to me that we live together so we can see each other more frequently. So would it be unreasonable for me to walk away from the relationship just because he doesn't want to move in? Or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and keep waiting?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, I don't think you should walk away just yet. Due to the amount of time you have invested in this relationship, I think you should have one final talk with him about the importance of you both living together and ask him how much longer will it take him to be ready? Based upon his answer, you should take some time alone and think if his answer is reasonable to you and then decide if you will continue to wait or if you will leave the relationship. For example, if he says in six months he would be ready to live together, would that be reasonable to you or is it to long giving the 4 years you have already spent waiting? For example, if he says he doesn't know, then I think you should consider breaking off the relationship at that point because you have been waiting 4 years and he should have some indication other than I don't know.

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