Exactly... i do blame him for his behavior, but i had forgiven him because it was easy to forget about the whole situation when it wasn't a "known thing". But now that we are dealing with all of this i fear that this baby will be a constant reminder of his betrayal. Thus making it impossible to really forgive him. I havent met the baby yet, and I have mixed emotions about meeting him. I want meeting this baby to instantly resolve all of my issues but i fear that it will just make my feelings worse.
I was a nanny for years and now im an elementary school teacher... i love kids. But i fear i will be resentful towards his son. I am also mad that the mother would be so selfish by bringing a child into such a horrible family situation.
Of course Ive talked to my boyfriend about all of this many many many times. But now its to the point where whats done is done and we cant change the past. I feel like I stress him out and us out when i dwell on his past behavior and this situation. But its hard because im not over it and i feel like its important to communciate about our problems. But whens enough enough???
Another thing that upsets me is the mere fact that another women has a part of my boyfriend that I dont. I dont know if im being unreasonable or dramatic about that. i feel like our child will be not as special. And i also feel like im being punished for his mistake. We were close to being engaged, but not now because of all of this. And Am I going to have to scarfice how many children we have now? he says i won't but i dont know if i believe him. I grew up in a very traditional home, I never had to deal with any situation even close to this.
Thank you so much for helping. Your advice is really good. I just have one more concern... well actually i have many concerns, but ill just bother you with this one for now.. How do I know if all of this is worth it?? I keep trying to tell myself that i loved him before all of this happened, and that shouldn't change because of this. But im not sure if love is enough. You said something earlier that was a little hard to digest. You said that our relationship now includes a baby from another mother, and if i can accept that then we'll be on our way to improving our relationship. the problem is that im not sure if i can accept that. But Im not sure if its only because i havent had time to adjust, or if its because I really can't accept it. Its a lot for me to handle just knowing that he had sex with her, but the fact that he has a baby with her is completely overwhelming. I also feel like if we were meant to be than i wouldn't have any doubts... but then i try to remind myself that relationships arent easy, and the cinderella fairytale isnt reality. How and when will i know if he's worth all of the stress??? I know your not a psychic lol... but im at a loss for answers. I feel like i nag him alot... like when are you seeing the baby again? Did you talk to the mom today? When are you filing for visitation? When is the mom going to let you take the baby? ...Then i need to know every detail when he talks to the mom. He has no answers for me... (at least not the answers im looking for) he says it takes time and i need to be patient. But being patient drives me nuts!
Do we sound doomed as a couple???
Thank you so much... youre great! you helped in ways that youll never know!... im sure ill be back in the future for some more comforting and real insight!!!
Thank you! ~ Katie