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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Im in America and I have a friend in the UK. We are both female.

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I'm in America and I have a friend in the UK. We are both female. Most of our communication is done via the net, with phone calls every week or two. We have a very deep bond and seem to have every thing in common. We often say we are twins.
Two days ago we were talking about how we are best friends and how I was her #1. She then sent me several love songs dedicated to me: XXXXX XXXXX's I Just Can't Stop Loving You, Speechless, and You Are My Life. After sending me these she sent a message that said, "That's how I feel about you honey. Don't know if I can top that lol but I'll be there with you forevermore." The next day I tried to pin her down to confess directly that she's in love with me, but when it came to it I got scared because I don't want to damage our friendship.
Am I reading too much into this and it's possible she just loves me to bits as a best friend or does she obviously feel more?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, she cares a great deal more for you than just having a platonic friendship. The songs that she sent you are in deed love songs along with the text that she sent you which indicates that the love songs describe how she feels about you. Therefore, I don't think you are reading too much into this because you are simply going by what she has done. I wouldn't try to pin her down to make her confess anything especially due to the long distance nature of your relationship. However, I do believe that in time she will continue to express her strong feelings for you, perhaps even all at once and verbally, then you could ask her at that time.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
As it turns out you were right. She did eventually express her feelings to me and admitted she was in love with me. The conversation was right, but at first she dodged the issue. She did admit though. I am not normally attracted to women. When I asked her if this had ever happened to her she wouldn't say & dodged again. We are seeing each other in 2 weeks. As of now, we are remaining the best of friends, due to the distance, etc.

Recently though, the topic came up again & now she seems to deny having feelings for me that go beyond friendship. I am ok with this since our friendship is very solid and we are even making plans to get together for Christmas. She did say that she was sorry if the songs she sent me sent the wrong message (I find this VERY hard to believe. I believe she knew what she was doing!)

I am simply looking for some insight into what you think may be going on in her head and heart. We are best friends no matter what. I just don't understand what seems to be contradicting information.

Thanks so much
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
It sounds as if she is contradicting herself due to feeling vulnerable and realizing that the two of you would not be a couple. It is not uncommon for a person to confess their true feelings to a person he/she is in love with and then later to have a sense of regret due to realizing that the person does not feel the same way as they do (-even if the person has known this all along). Once the person actually confesses their love, even if they knew the other person does feel the same for them, they can feel vulnerable and a sense of regret because now the other person knows how he/she feels and does not feel the same in return. I am glad your friendship is solid and I think she also realizes this and no longer wants to discuss her feelings of attraction to other women and to you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Sorry for the confusion but I DO have feelings for her. I just normally am not attracted to a woman.

Thank you
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Oh that's fine if you have feelings for her, and assuming you told her this, then I don't know why she would contradict her behavior unless maybe she feels it's happening to fast for her. Maybe the best thing to do for now is to give it some time and to focus on other aspects of your relationship because if she is in love with you, the subject will usually come up again on her end, it's usually just a matter of time.
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