How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Angela Your Own Question

Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
25365872
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Angela is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have a friendship that was not good for several years. One incident involved a verb

Resolved Question:

I have a friendship that was not good for several years. One incident involved a verbal threat, and though my friend has now apologized and explained, I find it hard to forget. It's finally worked itself out, but now I'm having trouble looking back and justifying staying in it during that time. How can I forgive myself, and accept that I chose to remain in the relationship, and that my friend has apologized? Should I have stayed?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

It sounds like you are beating yourself up because at the time of the verbal threat, part of you wanted to end the friendship and part of you wanted to stay in the friendship. As a result, you chose to stay in the friendship and now seem to be second guessing yourself. If you are truly happy in the current state of your friendship and you truly believed your friend meant it when she apologized for the verbal threat and it has not happened again, then it appears that you made the right choice by staying in the friendship especially since true friends offer unconditional love (-using wisdom of course). If the above is all true, then accept your friends apology and I don't see what you have to forgive yourself for, it appears you did everything in a healthy manner. You should always use caution when anyone says something to you that is a verbal threat and based upon what you have written, it appears that you have done just that.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I think that the part of me that is second-guessing myself is concerned about backsliding. Now that things are really fun, I'm somewhat surprised and a bit horrified at how uncomfortable I really felt. While my friend did and does have other friends, I have been closest to her, and have felt a little smothered by how important she seemed to feel I was in her life. Again, she understands that now, and understands I need space, but I think I regret not having raised the issue earlier - it was just hard to do so when she had other problems in her life. In a lot of ways, our friendship didn't feel like a two way street; while she needed a rock, I've always been very self-supporting. I've always KNOWN that I could talk to her about veritably everything, and we usually chat online at least once a day or so; but sometimes I've felt like I have to talk to her so she has someone to lean on, not necessarily because I wanted to. I think that part of me is disappointed in myself that I didn't speak up earlier, and stayed in the relationship solely to provide support her. Again, this is different now; but is it normal to have these regrets when I should be moving forward?
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
What you have described is normal and is a result of doing a healthy self analyzation of your behaviors and of your friend's behavior. Please don't every stop self analyzing in a healthy manner because when you self analyze you discover things that you don't like and you can change them so that they don't repeat in the future. It sounds like you have made her aware of how you feel and as long as she respects that and contributes more to your friendship so that you do not feel drained and like you are the only strong one among the two of you, then it sounds like all will be fine. Actually, you are moving forward by acknowledging the things you do not like about this relationship and as a result changing them which is the positive result of self analyzation.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Angela and 5 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions