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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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as a senior married for over 35 years..is it preferable to

Resolved Question:

as a senior married for over 35 years..is it preferable to stay in a unhappy marriage or move
on to try for a better life??? I am 70 yrs old
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based upon what you have written, you have to decide if you want to continue in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage- no one can decide that for you. However, you deserve to be happy regardless of your age. You also deserve to have the most fulfilling life that you can have regardless of your age. Therefore, if you agree with the above statements of happiness which apply to every person, then it would seem unlikely that you would want to remain in an unhappy marriage. If you decide that you no longer want to remain in your marriage please use caution and wisdom as you take the necessary steps to separate and move on from your partner.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Angela,

I accept your answer as that is what I have been leaning towards, BUT... some of my

closest friends/advisers tell me I should (at my age).. stay put and just ignore my wife & situation and just do as I please and leave the house when she acts up or things get unbearavble....that at my age (70).. I should not be by myself..!!

I agree with you that I deserve to be happy and cannot do it while I am here..and I have already sought legal advice and made arrangements to protect my assets and myself. I have not spoke to her yet about my decisions.. judst abiding my time for the right moment as I need her co-operation to make this happen smoothly and not in anger or her being spitefull or disagreeable.

VinneyCoins

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello Vinney,

I am sure your friends and advisers mean well, however, I disagree. In the past when couples married it was the norm to stay in a marriage regardless of how miserable and unhappy a person was, however, over time things have changed and now the focus is on a person's mental, emotional, and physical well being and not staying in a relationship which is unfulfilling and miserable to you. Therefore, if you are no longer in love with your wife and are miserable in your marriage, you have to consider your own mental, emotional, and physical well being and do what you feel is the best and healthiest thing for yourself in all of these areas. Also, please know that sometimes unknowingly people have double standards pertaining to age. For example, if you were in your 20' or 30's and felt the same way, many people would tell you to leave your marriage since you can't make it work, however, because you are in your 70's people tend to tell you to stay simply because of your age. Certainly, your age should not be the reason as to why you remain in an unfulfilling and miserable marriage. Reasons for staying in a marriage regardless of a person's age should include things such as being in love with your partner and so forth.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Angela,

Thank you again for your further comments...and I agree with you exactly...I feel that being by myself is a lot better than living in constant tension and trying always to avoid confrontations with my combatant wife.. Like i said earlier, I have taken steps already by talking to a lawyer and started putting all my financial assets in one neat pile in case I have to make a suddern departure but i need to make further steps also....MY next biggest concern is my health benefits...I am in pretty good shape and try to take care of myself with diets and exercise but I'm also a diabetic and need medicines and exams by doctor couple times a year...I also see a chiropractor once a month and get

accupuncture for problems with my neck and i also get massages for same problem areas.....all this is now being paid by my wife's employer benefits as she is still working and I am retired since the beginning of this year......NOW my concerns are..

if i divorce my wife I will also lose my medical benefits.....Will I be able to survive on

Medicare and my Va benefits without her medical coverage??? That is something I have to check out also...!!!

I also want to move from NJ to Virginia where I can live cheaper I think.... for housing, food and almost everything else..especially tax-wise.. I own four acres of land near a large lake in Virginia and my dream always was to build on it when I retired

and I expect hopefully after divorce to keep this property...dont know if i will ever afford to build after the divorce settlement clears.. ha ha

So....thats where I stand right now...and if you can add any further comments to my problems I would certainly appreciate it.

Sincerely ,

VinneyCoins

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello Vinney,
The only other thought I have, you already touched on which is: before moving forward with your divorce resolve your medical benefits so that you do not get any unexpected medical problems and not have a way to treat them as well as with your current medical concerns. Be sure to call medicare and the VA to see what your options are and make sure that if you have any questions that the representatives at medicare and the VA answer them. For example: find out exactly how long you would have to wait for your own medical benefits to begin after you apply for them (-and if possible you should wait until you have solid medical coverage before finalizing your divorce in order for you to maintain continual health insurance coverage). Also, since you have an idea of where you want to move, it would also be a good idea to have your new living arrangements pretty well figured out so that when you move forward with your divorce you will also be able to physically move out as well. I wish you the best of luck with your situation and please continue to stay strong and to take care of yourself!
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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