How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
15718554
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I just got back with my ex-boyfriend, we had briefly taken

Resolved Question:

I just got back with my ex-boyfriend, we had briefly taken a step back from our relationship in the wake of him returning from being deployed and readjusting to the "normal" routine of military life in the USA. We broke up cause he felt like he couldn't ask me for what he felt he needed, he needed some time and space to get his feet under him but because he didnt feel like he could ask for that, instead he lied bout still being deployed. after i found out he was home, i broke up with him.

now we met up to talk, really break down everything that happened and try to figure out if things were salvagable. i had a huge list and it took us a while, but we did talk in depth bout everything. i'm to the point where im ready and willing to give another chance, but my family isn't. i need advice on how to talk to my family. i know the risk, but i cant ignore how i feel and how much sense it makes to me to be with my boyfriend. i also want to know if im making the right decision
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.

The best thing to do in a situation like this, is to have a serious, mature conversation with your family. Invite your boyfriend over or invite your family out to dinner with you, and then bring your boyfriend along or have him meet you there. When you sit them down, you can both tell them how much you love and care for one another, and how you know that things have been rocky in the past, but you both are working through them because the relationship means a lot to you. They need to see that you are adults, and that you are capable of making your own choices. It is also important to have your boyfriend speak up. He needs to tell them that he is extremely apologetic to you for the pain he caused, but he loves you very much and is thankful that you are back in his life. By taking this initiative, you are showing them that you respect their concerns about you, but you are old enough, responsible enough, and intellectual enough to have an adult relationship with your boyfriend. As adults themselves, they will come to see your point of view, because with their own life experiences they surely understand that relationships are tough, and sometimes people get confused, make mistakes, and etc. I guarantee that if you use this technique, you will gain the respect and approval of your doubting family members.

 

Thank you in advance, and please remember to press the accept button if you are happy with your answer. :-) Good luck with everything!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I respect what you said, but getting my boyfriend and my family together is just not possible. When he scheduled his leave and made plans, we werent together, us getting back together was something we both did together. It took us 5 days to do all of the talking we both wanted to do, hours and hours of communicating and listening and asking questions, voicing concerns, etc. But, when he gets back to alaska, which is where he is stationed, he won't have vacation time where he can leave alaska for a few months and my family and i live in washington. I'm 27 and i've been screwed over so many times but ive always taken my responsibility for putting myself in situations or not having the courage to step up. i know the risk, yes he did hurt me terribly but i dont think that what happened was so bad that i can't forgive him. i wont just forgive him, i will insist on proof, but i also understand that we all get scared with choices in our lives and sometimes its a lot easier to runaway than face them.

sitting my family down will be a good thing to do, it is terribly important to me that they accept him. he is the man i love and it is important to me that having him in my life doesnt drive a wedge between me and my family inadvertently. but getting him in front of them just isnt possible.

plus, i'd still like some help in knowing if im making a good decision in taking him back and continuing a life with him. i like to have all of the information and to ask all of the right questions. when he gets back from vacation, his plans are to first bring me up to get a feel for where he lives and to go apartment hunting, job hunting, and figure out when to move me up. he wants to find an apartment for both of us but mind you that he wouldnt move in until after we're married. our religious views are pretty clear when it comes to those things. im pretty sure he's going to propose fairly quickly. but i also know that until the day that i say "i do" that i still have options, by no means will i be stuck and i do have the freedom to leave or get out when i want.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.

I believe that if you have spoken to him, voiced your concerns, and you feel that he is genuinely apologetic ready to change, give you what you need, and that you can trust him, then yes, I think you are making the right choice by taking him back. There is nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance. We all make mistakes. :-)

 

If your boyfriend cannot be there then you will have to sit down with your family yourself. Communicating with them in the right way is still the best way to resolve this issue. Tell them exactly what you told me. Tell them nicely that this is the man you love, and if they love you they need to learn respect your decision to continue the relationship and to accept him as a person. Tell them that it is important to you not to drive a wedge in your relationship with them because of him, and that is why you are having this conversation.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out well for you. :-)

Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
Psychologist
1320 Satisfied Customers
Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist