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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Ask Jennifer. I am still with the married girl but I have

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Ask Jennifer. I am still with the married girl but I have finally figured her out. It took a while but I did. I have noticed that it is all about her. Saying things like you dont care when my ex gets served the papers to tonight I need to take my daughter to er and u dont care. Now I have noticed some really bad qualities. For one she wanted to go out to eat and she said I will pay. Then the bill came and she said I will pay half. I dont care about the bill. This girl says stuff that she does not mean. Number two she said her father would put the down payment on the house since he is moving so he can get his money. I said what if I dont want to live with your brother and she said well thats a decision u have to make. Then she changed her mind and said she wants to live with me. Third, she sends me a text today saying shes going to a Met game tomorrow night and we had plans. She told her friend yes wo asking me. She told me that she does need anybodys permission. Jennifer please tell me what she is thinking. I told her that I might not be around sat now. She thinks I am being spiteful. I am tired of the same bs I get from her. Now she cares what I am doing.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

This sounds familiar... You'd noticed before that her actions tend to be a little self-centered. I know in the past you've mentioned she tends to want things from you yet gives very little. It sounds like this pattern is continuing (or coming back?)

Some of these comments are concerning... Particularly about living with her brother instead of living with you. Making that decision without consulting you and then changing her mind tells me she's not feeling entirely secure in your long-term plans together. Ask her if she has any fears about your future and how committed she's feeling at this point to having a future together.

You have every right to feel disrespected by the decisions she's making (and lack of communication on the matters). She's back to running the show and needs to be reminded that it's the two of you now. The best way to do this, of course, is through honest communication. Don't play games by telling her you might not be around on Saturday. Of course she cares what you're doing now -- She's not the one in control! The idea isn't to make the relationship a power play, though. You don't want to get caught up in trying to gain control from one another. Sit down and talk about how it's not just you anymore and it's not just her. If you're going to be together, you make decisions as a couple and you consult one another on the major issues. You respect each other's space and time with friends, but you also respect when you've already made plans by not breaking them. This is an important talk to have. See if she wants to have a relationship with you where you're on equal ground and discuss what you'll need to do to get there.
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