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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Problem with wife and parents. Issues go back 15 years.

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Problem with wife and parents.

Issues go back 15 years. Too many to mention.

Our cat of 14 years passed last summer weeks after we got a new kitten.
At the time we had both cats, my mom, who says she is allergic cats but has not shown any visible symptoms in many years, said that she would not be able to visit now that we have 2 cats.

My wife has had a very difficult time dealing with sadness over the death of our cat. She has been asking to get a second cat to help her deal with her loss. She has asked specifically to get one for her birthday next month. I finally addressed this by saying with an uncertain future at my job and the fact that my mom has said that she won't be able to visit, that I would like to wait a couple/few years.

This has begun a major fight. I have been told if I don't get her a cat for her birthday that she will never forgive me or my parents.

I am very skeptical about my moms allergies, but I give her the benefit of the doubt.
Your wife is naturally still grieving and probably felt as if you were putting your mother before her needs as your wife which undoubtedly contributed to the fight. I think the best thing to do would be to get your wife the kitten/cat for her birthday because she is your wife and your first responsibility in this situation should be to her because you are married and live with each other on a daily basis. Additionally, the new kitten/cat will help her to heal from her loss. Although your skeptical about your mom's allergies, you could share with her that you want her to visit as she normally would and that you would pay to place her into a nice hotel due to her allergies. Then you and your wife would simply visit with her outside of your house which could lead to more quality time for all three of you by doing things outside of your home. Doing this would let her know that you care about her and still want her to come and also if she has been lying about her allergies, it may cause her to say something like "well let me see how my allergies are when I visit" since she would not be able to use the cat as a reason not to visit. Doing this could potentially solve both problems and yes it would cost a little bit more money should you mom opt for the hotel room, however, the peace of mind from having your wife and your mother's desires satisfied would be worth it!
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