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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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I have been in a relationship for 18 months with a man who

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship for 18 months with a man who is in the armed forces. He says that he loves me and wants to be with me, and I feel the same way about him. However he is married to his childhood sweetheart and feels confused because he understandably cares deeply for her but says that he is no longer in love with her but is in love with me. He has just been posted to Canada for two years and she has gone with him. He says that he has to let her down gently because she if fragile and he will not destroy her to get what he wants, me. However I am worried that maybe they will rekindle their relationship and the novelty of the move may just help plaster over the problems in their relationship. I have told him that he has until the end of this year to get his head around his new post and sort split with her or I am moving on. Can this move rekindle their relationship?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello Trudy,
Your dilemma is a common one that many people find themselves in: where one person is already in a committed relationship and the other person is not. Based on what you have written, you have done the right thing by taking time away from him to think things through. First, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is 100% available to you as you are to him. Therefore, if he is really in love with you and not in love with his wife and he desires to be with you- he needs to leave/divorce his wife. However, it is not fair of him to expect you to wait around any longer for him to do this, especially since it has been 18 months already. He is having his cake and eating it to which is not fair to you. Yes there is a chance they may rekindle their relationship as long as they are still married and living together, again which is why he needs to take action now not later if he means what he is telling you. You mentioned you gave him till the end of this year to sort it out or you are moving on, please know you could do this, but it is not fair to you because you have already giving him 18 months and he has done nothing in terms of leaving his wife. I recommend for you to begin to move on now with your life and if he is really serious about the things he has been telling you then he needs to prove it (- talk is cheap especially when you are 100% available to him and he is not 100% available to you). You deserve the best, XXXXX XXXXX someone who is 100% available to you.

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