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Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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My family is bein bullied.

Resolved Question:

Hi,Please help me. My family is bein bullied. It has been happenin now for over 5 yrs & its very complicated. My family unit is split in two. This bully is manlipulating all.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello,
What type of bullying is occurring so that I can better answer your question?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Angela,

 

May I call you?

 

I was writing additional information and I lost the page and I am too distressed to start writing all this again.

 

Do you have a skype account?

 

Trust me.... this case will be a test of your expertise.

 

Regards

 

XXXXX@XXXXXX.XXX

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your interest in calling me, however, I must abide the the website's policy which prohibits exchanging any personal/professional contact information with customers.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

HI,

 

I understand. Thank you.

 

Regards

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
No problem. I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi Angela, you seem nice and I trust you, plus i've already paid for an answer so here goes....Ok, this is very complicated situation but I will do my best to explain. The bully is and was a friend of the family. He was also my younger brothers teacher and he will soon be my nephews teacher.

I have three (3) brothers. Two are identical twins, 40yrs and my younger brother is 20yrs old.

The bully was my brothers best man at his wedding. A few years ago, for what ever reason, the bully decided he was no longer friends with my brother, lets call him brother A but continues his friendship with the twin brother B. The bully then went and slept with brother A's wife, destroying his marriage. Brother B continued to be friends with the bully. This cause many many problems between my brothers. They do not speak now and my brother has lost all his friends because of this. To make matters worse, his wife continues to have an on/off relationship with the bully and her son, my nephew will have this bully as a teacher soon.

I know!!! You may say ...this is a matter between grown men. BUT. My younger brother had the bully as a teacher, and while in his final year at school, the class went on a school tour, out of the country. While on tour, the bully called my mothers house and told my mother that my younger brother had gone missing. This was a lie. When my mother talked with my brother, he said he was out drinking .My mother then told my brother to behave. My brother, annoyed with this, confronted the bully and there was a scene. For the rest of the school year my brother was labelled a ‘trouble kid' and this resulted in my brothers grades dropping and a very important project being destroyed, hours before an exam deadline. The only teacher with the keys to the exam hall was the bully. My brother came back home, upset about his project..which angered me to the point that I insisted my mother join me and we both went straight to the school department head. I demanded that I see my brothers project, where upon inspection, I found pages missing from his folder, (I typed them, so I know there were there) and nails bent in his woodwork project. I looked the bully straight in the eyes and told him he was a disgrace. When I got personal in nature with him, the department head agreed that my brother be given time to fix his project. The bully knows Not to mess with me but he continue to mess with my brothers. The school project incident was 4 yrs ago. Recently my younger brother started dating a new girl and the bully called to her house and told her parents that my brother was a convicted thief. Lies. This cause problems with his new girl but they did not break up. A few weeks after this, my younger brother saw the bully out in the pub and he ‘grunted' at him, he has enough self control to contain himself, he knows only to well that the bully is TROUBLE. But a few days after this my other older brother, bully's friend, called my younger brother and told him to ‘grow up'. My younger brother just accepted this but told me a few weeks later and I told my other brother A. My older brother A, asked my mother to call a family meeting to talk about all this but she refused and told my other brother B, that the rest of us are just looking for a fight. Since this comment, two weeks ago, I no longer talk to my mother and my older brother B. My family is split in two. On one side is me, younger brother and brother A and on the other side is mother, brother B, wife and bully.

I am not in a situation where I can do anything legal because the bully has not done anything to me...so I have nothing. I can not take this bull crap much longer and the thought that my nephew will has the bully as a teacher, sickens me and I know it will cause more stress to my brother for the next few years. Please advise.

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello,
Based on what you have written, I would recommend having a meeting with the teacher to address your concerns with the principal present at the meeting so that nothing gets taking out of context by the teacher. As far as your family members are concerned with being split apart, I would recommend everyone sitting down and discussing these very complex issues and how you all can compromise and work through them. Essentially, there is no quick fix for this situation so your best option is to discuss the problems and try to work through them together. However, if your mother or any other family members refuses to do so, you have to first convince them of the importance of discussing these issues and working through them. Therefore, continue to try and get your family to meet and to discuss these issues because that is the only way to begin to resolve them.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi,

yes we have tried to have a family discussion but my brother (bully's friend) refuses to come to the house. He worms his way of out it by playing my mother, by saying he will call when things calm down, making out that the rest of us have a big problem and are making ‘imaginary' problems. He knows dame well that the game is up and we all want answers.

As for the school side of things, my brother will be asking that his son is moved from the class but its gonna be hard, considering his wife is sleeping with the teacher...again, this will look like my brother is causing trouble and the bully can say what he likes because the childs mother is on his side. The childs mother is a silly women, she has slept with a number of people in this small town in Ireland, she even once dated a man that lived across the street from her x husband....and my brother never did or say anything because there is a child involved. I really dont know how he does it.

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Hello,
First let me say, I think it is awesome that you are trying to resolve these problems among your family along with trying everything that you have done so far. Unfortunately, until your entire family is willing to cooperate with you, there is not much more that you can do because you have tried everything possible based on all that you have written. With this in mind, I would recommend to continue trying to get your entire family to cooperate with you and to discuss all of your concerns as long as it does not burn you out. If you find that you are starting to get burned out, then take some time off from trying to reconcile your family and focus on yourself and rejuvenate yourself. Then you can resume trying to get your family to talk about these concerns and to work through them together. You have been very patient and loving with your family and I hope they will eventually sit down and discuss all of these very important issues and to work through them. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the best of luck as you continue to try to reconcile your family.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hi

Thank you. I know its a very difficult situation.

But what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right!!

It has been good to 'vent' to someone removed from this situation and to get your opinion on my story.

Thank you very much.

Regards

Expert:  Angela replied 4 years ago.
Your more than welcome and be sure to take care of yourself first and then your family.
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
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